The Baby Jogger Summit X3 has been one of the most popular running strollers available for several years and it has been a useful addition to our household during testing, making it easy to get out for a run while my infant son sleeps. 

It’s an expensive purchase and there are areas where the design could be improved, such as the non-adjustable handlebar, but the Summit X3 is a great all-round stroller that copes brilliantly with off-road runs and walks.

Baby Jogger Summit X3: Price And Availability

The Baby Jogger Summit X3 was originally launched in 2016 and costs $549.99 in the US and £529 in the UK.

How I Tested This Running Stroller

I’ve been running regularly with the Summit X3 over the past four months, and my wife has also used it during this time. I have used it mainly for runs in a local forest, which has been muddy for most of my testing, as well as on runs on paved surfaces.

Design And Assembly

The Summit X3 is a stroller with three air-filled wheels, all of which have suspension. The large front wheel can be set to fixed, which you need when running, or swivel, which is more useful for everyday use. You can change the wheel setting using a lever on the side of the stroller.

There is a brake on the handlebar and a strap you can use to tether yourself to the stroller, both are important for staying in control when running downhill. The height of the handlebar can’t be adjusted and it was a little low for me when running—I’m 6ft and my wife is 5ft 8in, and the height suited her better.

The reclining seat is padded and the five-part strap, while is fiddly to do up at times, holds your child in place comfortably and, most importantly, securely when running. There is a large adjustable hood that provides protection from the sun (it’s UV 50+-rated), and it folds down far enough to keep the wind out of a child’s face when running. There are mesh windows on top you can use to check on your kid while running.

There is a rear pedal brake you can use to anchor the stroller. Once this got muddy I found it hard to operate the brake with my foot and often had to reach down to press it into place with my hand. Although the instructions weren’t particularly clear, it was easy enough to assemble the stroller in around 10 minutes. 

Running With The Baby Jogger Summit X3

The Summit X3 is smooth to run with thanks to the large wheels with suspension, even when taking it off-road. Most of the runs I did with the stroller were on forest paths with muddy and rutted sections, and it handled them well. The stroller feels sturdy and I’ve not had any punctures.

One problem with runs in the mud or along leaf-strewn paths was that the front wheel can get clogged up quickly. On one outing I had to poke a stick through the gap at the top of the wheel several times to clear it out. My wife has also experienced some front wheel wobble when running with the Summit X3, which hasn’t been a problem for me yet.

Running with any stroller isn’t the most natural movement, but this was exacerbated for me because of the fixed handlebar, which was low for me. The stroller is wide and has some weight to it, which is good for stability especially on uneven ground, but means it can feel heavy to push up hills on the trails. This wasn’t such a noticeable problem when on asphalt though, and you can run quite quickly with the Summit X3 when on hard, flat ground. I’d prefer to save my speed sessions for when I’m not pushing a stroller.

I can’t speak for every child, but mine always fell asleep quickly when I ran with the Summit X3—it was generally an easier and more reliable way to get him down for his afternoon nap than pushing him in his pushchair.

Folding And Daily Use

The Summit X3 has a one-handed folding system where you pull the strap in the center of the seat up and the whole stroller collapses into place. There’s a knack to this. First you pull the small loop with a finger and then the larger loop with the rest of your hand. 

It can be done one-handed, but only with practice, and then actually lifting the stroller with one hand isn’t that easy, since it weighs 28.4lbs/12.8kg and is large and awkward. I needed two hands to unfold it because of this. The wheels are so large it’s not the easiest to store even when folded, especially as it doesn’t stand unsupported, but it did fit the trunk of our small car comfortably.

The wide base of the wheels is useful for running, but makes it hard to maneuver the Summit X3 at times, especially in narrow store aisles. While we did use the Summit X3 regularly when not running—and it’s great for walks on rough terrain—it can be cumbersome to use around town compared with a non-running stroller.

There is a large compartment under the seat for storage, which is useful for shopping, and a mesh pocket on the back of the seat you can pop a water bottle in when running, though I found it hard to reach into the pocket without coming to a stop.

Is The Baby Jogger Summit X3 Worth It?

The Summit X3 is an expensive purchase but one that can make a huge difference in fitting in your exercise while looking after children. My wife and I enjoyed using it for regular runs and it was ideal for the forest paths we predominantly used it on. I used a Out ‘n’ About Nipper Sport (UK only) with our eldest child and found the Summit X3 to be an improvement on that, with a smoother ride especially when off-road, though the Nipper is cheaper. 

Way back in 2017, on a hunch, Coach contacted a few CrossFit boxes to find out if anyone had found love in a sweaty place. Of course they had and we featured four so-called CrossFit couples. Since then we discovered that it wasn’t just casual CrossFitters who had coupled up. Some of the sport’s elite had become involved romantically, too. So for Valentine’s Day 2024, we’re revisiting the feature and sticking our noses into the relationship of CrossFit Games athletes Elliot and Jamie Simmonds. The pair live in Abu Dhabi and are founders of Quintessential Health & Performance.

Elliot Simmonds, 30, and Jamie Simmonds, 32

Time together: 10 years 

Favorite part of CrossFit: Both love the community element, but exercise-wise Elliott is a fan of low–impact rowing—“I know I can do it forever,” he says—while Jamie loves a muscle-up.

Where did your relationship begin?

Jamie: We both moved to the Middle East in 2014. I’m from New Zealand and Elliot is from England. I moved there two weeks after Elliot and I began to train at the gym he was coaching at. We had to travel for the Dubai Fitness Championship (DFC) and we ended up staying overnight. All of us were too cheap to get more than one bedroom so there were three of us in the room and you get to know people better when you hang out with them that long. I then ended up working at the same gym as Elliott. 

Elliott: When I first moved I had a girlfriend, but after the DFC Jamie and I got to know each other a little bit better. It was one of those things where the timing was just right. We got on well and we needed a female coach at the gym. Jamie started working for us and I guess it went from there. 

When were you officially a couple? 

Elliot: I think our first official date—just me and Jamie—was at about 9.30pm at either Nando’s or this Australian burger place after work. We were in our gym gear. 

We didn’t define ourselves as a couple until I knew I was going home back to England for Christmas in 2014 and I invited Jamie back to the UK with me to save her staying in the UAE. We then got married in 2020.

You work together and live together. What’s your training routine like?

Elliot: We tend to train at the same time, but not do the same thing. On average it’s two sessions a day to get better for the CrossFit season. I ‘in-person coach’ Jamie, so I won’t write programs for her, but if she needs help on how to approach workouts, I’ve always helped. Sometimes we’ll jump into each other’s workouts or do qualifier workouts and go head-to-head.

Jamie: On holiday in New Zealand we did one session per day, but also outdoor stuff like mountain climbing, hiking, swimming. We get outdoors as much as possible. 

Elliot: We train, work and live together. People ask, ’Are you ever apart?’ and the honest answer is, no we’re not, but for some reason, it’s always worked!

You’re made for each other! Any advice for couples training together?

Elliot: There are still times when your patience wears thin especially when you’re tired and you’re in the middle of a workout and you get a dirty look! It’s more about understanding your partner I guess. There’s no specific advice other than to be attuned with your partner and know when to say something or when to keep quiet. 

How do you know when to speak or be quiet with each other?

Jamie: You need to know when he or she is in a bad mood and that now is not the time to speak up, or it’s about approaching something more diplomatically. Make suggestions rather than delegation! And don’t take in-the-moment comments personally.

Elliot: That’s something you learn as a coach of athletes, not just your partner. In the heat of the moment, it isn’t the person speaking—it’s their ego responding. As a coach and as a partner, you have to know that nothing is meant personally when your heart rate is high and you’re emotional.

Is there an exercise that makes you two really competitive?

Elliot: I wouldn’t say ‘exercise’ [laughs]. We’re both competitive people. Whenever we do the same workout we’re competitive with each other. Sometimes we do go into a workout and know someone is better than the others so it’s easier to know a loss is going to come. The longer a workout gets, the more likely I will win; the shorter it is, the more likely Jamie will win.

Do you compete together?

Elliot: We’re going back to our roots this year. The 2015/2016 CrossFit season, the first year we were together, we podiumed at the CrossFit Games as a team so that’s high in our memories and we did a couple of partner comps. Since then we’ve entered as individuals in most comps. 

This year we’re in the same team for the season and hopefully the CrossFit Games 2024. 

What is it that you each admire in each other in terms of training?

Jamie: With Elliot it’s his dedication. He shows the passion he has for it by the time he spends on the fine details. There’s no one in CrossFit who does it quite the same. He’s a very smart athlete—that’s why I go to him. 

Elliot: For me, Jamie has unwavering trust in herself. She goes into her workout and just backs herself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but she always has the effort. There’s never an excuse, never a reason, just pure heart whenever she does it and that’s what I’ve admired the most about her. 

My dad started me on my fitness journey. At the age of four I was racing him from the end of the road to our front door. Not long after that he was challenging me to press-ups, wall sits and 5K runs. At school I joined all the teams I could, and my infatuation with sport continued through university. If ever I found myself struggling, sport was my outlet.

More than 20 years later, we find ourselves equally obsessed with keeping fit. Dad may have vowed never to run a marathon again and he’s finished with Sunday League football after accepting his Achilles isn’t as well oiled as it once was, but he’ll still put in a shift of burpees, boxing or whatever else is put in front of him. 

When I completed my first HYROX—an indoor functional fitness race—I was surprised that he didn’t believe he was fit enough to complete one, so I challenged him to race in the next event with me. Here’s how he prepared for it. 

Training

Before signing up, my dad was completing up to six home workouts a week using the workout app Fiit, so his base level of fitness was obviously decent, but the moment we entered the race, he started fretting. He committed to 12 weeks of training and decided on five sessions a week which included:

• 30-minute interval runs on a treadmill
• 45-minute HIIT partner workouts, including some of the exercises from HYROX to improve his work capacity
• One weight-training session focusing on strength

A fitness professional may well have suggested a different approach to HYROX training and there are plenty of HYROX gyms you can otherwise join, but Dad felt he had enough information from friends and family to manage his own program.

Dad wasn’t bothered about his splits on the 1km runs, neither was he bothered about placing among the pros. His one goal was to complete the race knowing that he’d tried his hardest.

Race Day

My Dad felt confident about his physical ability going into the race, but he was less prepared for racing on a day when 3,500 people crossed the start line. “It’s difficult to concentrate because there’s a lot going on, unlike in the gym where you solely focus on you,” he told me.

All the same, there were still moments when Dad needed to dig deep and push through more challenging movements such as the sled push where I was lagging and needed him to take more of the weight. That’s the beauty of racing as a pair, you can work to each other’s strengths! Despite each having moments of struggle, we both beamed as we crossed the finish line. 

And Dad felt inspired after finishing. “Instead of believing I’m in a minority of people my age that try hard, I realize there are loads of people my age that enjoy pushing themselves. It really reinforced to me that excuses like, ‘Those events are for young people’ or ‘I can’t be that fit any more’ aren’t valid. There are no reasons not to do it”.

My Dad and I had a lovely weekend just us two—something we haven’t done since I was in my early teens. And we want to do better next time, which is why we’ve entered another!

The Youth Sport Trust is launching a new initiative to encourage more physical activity among young people, after a recent survey from YouGov revealed that many parents are unaware of how much time children should be active for each day.

Advice from the UK Chief Medical Officers (CMO) has said that all children between the ages of five and 18 should be “highly active”—meaning a raised heart rate—for 60 minutes each day.

However, the YouGov survey revealed that many believe children need to be active for half of this, around 30 minutes a day.

With less than half of all young people in the UK (47%) participating in activities for 60 minutes each day and almost a third (30%) averaging fewer than 30 active minutes, the Youth Sport Trust believes that lack of awareness is the culprit. 

Young people in the UK face a wellbeing crisis, and additional research (commissioned by the Youth Sport Trust and conducted by Teacher Tapp) has found that 97% of teachers are “concerned” about the mental health of young people in their school.  

And while the same number of teachers (97%) agree sports and play can support mental health, only 35% of teachers are aware children should be active for 60 or more minutes a day, highlighting the need for more support and training for schools and teachers. 

National Schools Sports Week

With this in mind, Youth Sport Trust created National School Sports Week in partnership with Sports Direct, with the aim of building awareness of the CMO guidance The charity hopes to get more children “playing for fun, playing for 60” from 19th to 25th June. 

The purpose of National School Sports Week is to boost children’s activity levels by encouraging people and organizations to make a #PledgeToPlay for 60 minutes every day during this week. 

Working with families and schools across the country, the campaign will ensure that people are better informed of the many benefits of sports and play for children. Making a “pledge to play” gives you access to resources and material to help with the goal. 

Alison Oliver MBE, chief executive of the Youth Sport Trust, says: “We know children are leading increasingly sedentary lives. Screen time is up, and time spent in nature is down—it’s no surprise that parents and teachers are increasingly concerned about children’s physical activity levels and the consequence of this in the classroom. 

“Children’s formative years can influence their wellbeing, development, education outcomes and physical activity levels well into adulthood. There is a compelling evidence base for more play and sport in children’s lives. Pockets of innovative practice that are unlocking new ways to inspire young people to get active are emerging, but raising public awareness of the CMO guidance should be a priority alongside action to help schools and families respond. 

“National School Sports Week is a great opportunity for us to engage with schools and families. We’re excited to share some brilliant ideas and guidance as well as uniting a movement of organizations to help amplify why this is important and what’s available at a local level. We are inviting the nation to #PledgeToPlay. 

“Today we issue a rallying call. Daily physical activity, play and the development of physical literacy through physical education and school sport should be an integral part of every childhood, and we are really excited to work with Sports Direct to make play and sport more accessible for more young people and in turn help them lead happier and healthier lives.

Schools, families and organisations can start to take action by supporting the Youth Sport Trust’s National School Sports Week campaign.”

The first thing you should do after your kid consumes their Halloween haul of sweets and chocolate is NOT clean their teeth.

“Never brush your teeth just after eating sugary or acidic food or drink!” says Dr Jerome Sebah, ambassador for oral health brands Arm & Hammer and Waterpik. “The enamel is getting attacked by the acid so the tooth is more fragile. It is best to rinse with water and wait 30 minutes after the last sweet before brushing.”

If that came as a shock to you, then you should definitely read on for more advice from Sebah on keeping young teeth and gums in good shape…

What are the impacts of too much sugar on children’s teeth?

Tooth decay is the main problem. Some of the bacteria in the mouth eats sugar to produce energy and grow in number. They produce an acid that first destroys the crystals in the enamel, which is 92% mineral. The second layer in the teeth – the dentin – is only 70% mineral, so it is much easier for the acid from the bacteria to destroy.

Once the dentin is affected it can reach the nerve and cause a toothache. If a child is complaining from toothache, it could be too late. If lucky, the child could get a filling to fill the hole, but in most cases the nerve needs to be removed or the tooth extracted.

Are there any sweets that are worse for your teeth than others?

Sticky, sour sweets are the worst because they combine acid and sugar, which sticks to the teeth, especially in between the teeth where it’s hard to reach with the toothbrush. Caramel toffees are also a culprit, having both sugar and stickiness.

Is a one-off binge on Halloween likely to damage teeth?

It is better to have a one-off binge on Halloween instead of having a consistent regular intake of sweets.

See related 

• How To Stop Your Kids Eating Too Much Sugar
• How Much Sugar Should You Have A Day?
• The Best Electric Toothbrushes 2020: Keep Your Teeth Clean And Protect Your Gums From £20

Do you have any advice on how many sweets kids should eat in general?

If kids have sweets close to their mealtime, that is OK because they will brush their teeth not long after. The main problem is snacking on sweets during the day.

It’s better to have ten sweets just after dinner because you will be brushing your teeth just before going to bed – that’s if you’re able to sleep from the sugar rush! This is better than eating one sweet five times during the day, because the prolonged period of acidic erosion will have a worse effect.

Jane Gilmour and Bettina Hohnen are clinical psychologists and academics with a specialist interest in neuropsychology. Their new book, How to Have Incredible Conversations With Your Child (£14.99, Jessica Kingsley) is out now. In this exclusive contributed article, they suggest ways to spark incredible conversations after school. 

Strong relationships are built on good conversation skills, and they’re also linked to lifelong mental and physical wellness, so get them high on your parenting to-do list. To get good at anything, whether that’s holding a plank, learning a language or developing conversation skills with your child, you need to practise it and use good technique.

As with anything, your first attempt is not likely to be your best. There will be bumps in the road and some conversations will feel like hard work. But with persistence and patience you and your child will enjoy the benefits of great communication, and – most importantly – this will help your child form positive relationships throughout their life.

We’ve focused on school pick-up here because, according to attachment theory (a key child development framework), a sensitively managed reunion like school pick-up can strengthen family bonds. These five tips will help bring out the incredible in the conversations you have with your child, build your relationship and set them on a lifelong trajectory of wellness.

1. Read The Room

You might be hoping for a list of good questions to ask your child but the secret to great conversation is being able to read the room. Strong evidence shows that reading our child’s emotional state is one of the most important parenting skills, so the first question we are going to suggest is one that you should ask yourself. As your child emerges from the school gates, read their body language and facial expression, and ask yourself what they need. Some kids are talkers, but others need to decompress for a bit at first and if that’s the case, one of the greatest bonding strategies for school pick-up is to let them be and wait a bit before you talk.

2. Name It

If, on the other hand, your child comes out the school gates full of emotion, perhaps angry and shouty, name what you see. There is strong neuroscientific evidence showing that simply naming an emotion can mean distress will settle more quickly (we can see this happen in MRI brain imaging scans). Only when they are calm will they be able to engage in the to and fro of conversation, reflect and think in a meaningful way.

So, let’s say you now have a calm kid ready for a conversation on your hands. What now?

3. Start Talking

A good tip is to tell your children about your day. That way you are modelling the very conversation skills we want your child to learn. Social Learning Theory consistently shows that watching how parents interact with the world is one of the most powerful teaching techniques for children, so you should try to share at pick-up too. Tell a story or a memory they have never heard before because there is nothing more tantalising than stories about parents which have been previously embargoed.

See related

• How To Get Three Portions Of Fruit And Veg In Your Child’s Packed Lunch
• How To Support Your Child’s Mental Health During The Pandemic
• How To Limit Your Kids’ Screen Time Without Provoking Massive Tantrums

4. Talk About The Hard Stuff Too

If your child has had a bad day, listen and remain calm (otherwise they might shut down and stop talking). We know that the capability to understand negative emotions is key to lifelong wellbeing, because if we don’t articulate these feelings they may lead to mental health concerns in the future, so let your kids talk about the hard stuff. If you’ve had a bad day, talk about it too. Think about what you are teaching them here: your message is that we discuss and figure out our struggles together. Incidentally, do also share your triumphs and feelgood stories – it’s all about balance. If you show them that talking about difficult experiences is on the agenda, it means they will share their tough stuff, because they have learned through lived experience that it’s OK to share anything.

5. Get Creative

Primary school children in particular find the abstract concepts in conversation pretty challenging. Their stage of cognitive development means that ideas are best expressed using real things as vehicles of expression, like drawing on a line to show how good something is – one end of the line is the best ever and the other end is the worst. You don’t need fancy materials or even to be sitting down; in fact, we would recommend talking when you are on the move. Small changes on the line can show minor changes in feelings that are very difficult to express in words for younger children, but are very much felt nonetheless. You can use a line in a sandpit or the condensation on the car window but try to make it real, because that helps your child both express themselves and understand concepts with much finer gradations without the need for a nuanced vocabulary.

If you need some more inspiration, our new book How To Have Incredible Conversations With Your Child includes lots of carefully scaffolded conversation topics that cover four points of the wellbeing compass: Who are you? How are you? What helps you? And what gets in the way?

Visit Gilmour and Hohnen’s Instagram page @incredibleconversation for more advice.

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everyone’s lives, and one of the unfortunate results of the stress caused by the disease has been a decline in mental health among both the young and the old.

To help people cope with the issues that have arisen due to the pandemic and the lockdown, Public Health England is running the Every Mind Matters campaign.

The latest stage of the campaign is aimed at helping children, young people and parents in particular, which is where the focus is required at the moment given the recent return to normal schooling for most families in the UK.

“Everyone has struggled in the pandemic and during lockdown, but for children it’s been particularly difficult, because they found themselves being taken out of school and then being at home with parents or carers who are also really stressed,” says NHS psychiatrist Dr Max Pemberton.

“We know children tend to be quite resilient providing there is a kind of stabilising force, namely their parents or their carer, in the background. One of the difficulties was that this was less stable for them. Then, just as they’re getting used to this new pattern, suddenly they are back at school, so they face disruption again.”

We asked Pemberton for his advice on how you can support your children during this uncertain period. Here he suggests and explains five things to focus on.

1. Be There To Listen

Of course parents listen to their children all the time, but this is about something different. This is about listening out for things they might be saying, or flagging up, that show the child is having a tough time or is stressed about things.

Set aside ten minutes a day where you sit down and ask your child how their day was. Don’t go in mentioning feelings or moods, because often children struggle to articulate their feelings. Sometimes things will manifest themselves in other ways, so instead of saying they’re really anxious, they might say they’re having difficulties at school, or problems with not wanting to eat or with not sleeping, which we would call biological symptoms. There can be quite significant changes in their behaviour which the adults can then pick up on and talk about their feelings on the back of that.

Often the child won’t have anything particular to say, which is fine. At least they know deep down that they have that opportunity every day where if there is anything on their minds, they can talk about it.

If your child really struggles with that scrutiny or attention you can combine it with something else, like washing up or bath time, so there’s a distraction for the child. Young children often find it difficult to sit there and talk about their day, and so do teenagers, who can feel persecuted, so they’ll often respond with grunting – but persevere. Try combining it with something like driving somewhere, where you’re in the car and you’re not looking at each other – it takes the focus and pressure off the child.

2. Support Positive Routines

Routine is fundamental, and people, particularly children, can withstand quite a lot of stuff provided they have some sort of routine. The difficulty is the routines will be disrupted and now we can’t even guarantee the routine we’ve got will stay the same. There might be changes with local lockdowns, or schools might be shut if there’s an outbreak so we can’t rely on school to provide a structure anymore.

Set up your own structure and routine outside of school. Stick to mealtimes and bedtimes, and lead by example. Make sure that there is structure on weekends too, such as on Saturday we always go for a walk at this time, or on Sunday we always do this one activity, so there’s a sense of structure and rhythm to a child’s life.

See related 

• Support Your Kids’ Mental Health During The Pandemic With This Guide And Helpline
• The Every Mind Matters Campaign Can Help With Your Mental Wellbeing During COVID-19
• Struggling With Your Sleep During The Pandemic? You’re Not Alone, And This Advice Can Help

3. Encourage Interests

Children haven’t been able to do a lot of their hobbies, so it’s important to encourage them to get back into the swing of things. Help them to get out and re-form friendship groups, see members of the family and get back into social circulation again.

4. Take Their Concerns Seriously

Some things that particularly younger children get worried about might seem a bit daft to us, or not that important. For example, we’re using words like shielding, which to a child sounds strange, and a child’s understanding of what a shield is relates to knights and wars and people needing to use shields. For us it might seem silly, but it can be a source of concern for them.

Try to take their concerns seriously. Engage with them, and try to understand where they’re coming from.

5. Stay In Their Lives

This is particularly for people like grandparents, brothers and sisters who may not live with their siblings, or children who don’t live with their parents or only with one of their parents. Make sure you make an effort to keep communicating. For example, it can be easy to just tell your parents how your children are doing, but make sure grandparents and grandchildren actually have a conversation so each knows the other is thinking about them.

Normally that wouldn’t matter so much if they’re meeting in person, but now people have to make a special effort to communicate with a child if they don’t live with them. Text them, email them, call them. Set up a regular time. This can be really important because these people can often notice changes in the child that people living with them day in and day out might not.

Find more advice for parents and young people on the Every Mind Matters website

As well as being a trained GP and working in emergency medicine, Dr Rupy Aujla has published three Doctor’s Kitchen cookbooks. His latest, Doctor’s Kitchen 3-2-1, contains simple, one-pot recipes that are full of plant-based goodness.

With the country opening up again after lockdown and children returning to school, Dr Aujla has launched a campaign to encourage parents to include three portions of fruit and vegetables in their kids’ packed lunches. “This tragic event marks an opportunity to reaffirm healthy eating; to improve our general health and wellbeing,” he says.

Although eating well won’t prevent any further pandemics, Dr Aujla sees it as the best way to increase our and our children’s resilience to disease. “We know that those worst afflicted by the pandemic were those with conditions linked to poor diet: obesity and other medical issues which are largely preventable.

“The packed lunch campaign is about reinforcing the importance of healthy eating from a really young age, and getting parents involved in a conversation with their kids so that we can all live healthier, happier lives.”

We spoke to Dr Aujla about why and how to improve children’s packed lunches, as well as getting tips on how to keep costs down, deal with fussy eaters, and become more creative with food.

Why is it so important to get more fruit and veg into our children’s lunchboxes?

For both adults and kids, increasing our fruit and veg intake is the best way of increasing antioxidant levels, and of ensuring we eat enough plant fibre which supports a healthy gut and immune system. We need to eat more colourful foods containing a higher micronutrient density and plant chemicals that help us stay healthy.

The end of lockdown restrictions in the UK should mark a conscious change in our approach to health and wellbeing, and not just among adults. I think this is a good opportunity for parents to take control of what they’re feeding their children.

If you look at a typical lunchbox, it’s full of refined sugars, a white bread sandwich, perhaps some sort of cheese dip. Highly processed food has become normalised and it shouldn’t be. We really need to be looking at improving the health of our children to prevent issues like cardiovascular disease, dementia and obesity later in life. Also, most people don’t know the extent of children’s dentistry issues: every year there are 40,000 episodes of children having teeth removed under general anaesthetic in the UK because of poor dental health. That is directly related to the quality of the food that we put into their lunchboxes.

How can we make fruit and veg fun to eat?

I think instead of being authoritarian with our children – “you must eat a banana” or “you must eat hummus” – get them involved in the conversation. Do they like particular colours or textures, a bit of crunch, or silky-smooth dips? If they like sweet things, work out how you can mimic that with dried fruit instead of chocolate bars. Make sure that the kids know what’s going into their packed lunch and that they’re on board with it. If they’re not, they won’t eat it and it will go to waste.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with fussy eaters?

Getting them to choose what they’re going to eat is really important, but also encourage them to try things they may previously have decided they don’t like. Just because they didn’t like corn or broccoli or seeds earlier in life doesn’t necessarily mean they still won’t like them a few years later.

You can try preparing veg in different ways: roasting, sautéing, blending. Work on introducing foods at home before you put it in their packed lunch. But if all else fails you can always hide it! Blend veggies into dips, into sauces and so on.

Does it matter if they mostly eat the same vegetables (or fruit) on repeat? How much variety do they need?

You want to try to get as many different types of plants into your weekly diet as possible. If they’re very fussy and they’re only eating one thing then that’s OK, but variety is definitely what we should be aiming to achieve. You want them to be eating somewhere between 15 and 20 different varieties every week. That may sound unachievable, but it includes nuts and seeds, different types of greens, colourful vegetables and fruit – they all offer an abundance of plant chemicals which our bodies need.

Some parents may be worried about the additional cost of buying so many different types of foods. How would you advise parents struggling with shopping costs?

That’s a legitimate concern, especially with food insecurity on the rise. But often the cheapest ingredients on the shelf are the most nutrient-dense, such as red cabbage, seasonal veg, even the root veggies. These are all fantastically nutrient-dense ingredients that we need more of in our diets. But it’s really not about exotic ingredients: everyday, affordable and accessible ingredients such as an apple or a carrot are the key to good health.

I’ve also made a BBC series, Thrifty Cooking in the Doctor’s Kitchen, where we create meals for less than £1 per person, and they all contain three types of veggies.

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Working parents are often short on time – and therefore creativity – when it comes to preparing packed lunches. Do you have any tips to help them?

When it comes to culinary creativity the shows on the BBC are fantastic, and there’s a bunch of them on my website as well. For kids’ packed lunches, I would say think of three different categories that you want to put in them: a dip; some sort of robust vegetable, crunchy crudités for example; and something sweet, either dried fruit or whole fruit. With those combinations, it’s actually quite easy to get three portions in your kids’ lunchboxes.

Many schools have banned nuts and seeds from lunchboxes because of allergy sufferers. That means no hummus, for some. Do you have any tips on alternatives?

This is a bit of an issue as nut and seed allergies are on the rise especially among children. You may not be able to put nuts and seeds in their lunchbox, but you can give them plenty of nuts and seeds when they’re at home – as long as they’re not allergic, of course.

An alternative to hummus, which traditionally contains sesame seeds, would be blending up whole beans instead of seeds. You could make a white bean hummus with olive oil and seasoning and some other flavourings. You can also give them whole veggies, chopped into matchsticks, and dried fruits instead of nuts.

I think we need to make it cool! Veganism is definitely on the rise, although a vegan meal doesn’t necessarily mean a healthy meal. You can do some really fun vegan stuff and make it healthy, too.

I think we need to do some lateral thinking – subsidised fruit or schools offering it for it free. Start a campaign to make school meals more interesting, like a five-veg lasagne, or bean burgers – there’s lots you can do. I was talking to Prue Leith about this the other day and she visited a whole load of schools which had massively reduced their food bill by going largely vegetarian, apart from Fridays. It’s a fantastic initiative. They make the food cool, appealing to the kids, and mimic what they would otherwise want to eat.

You can find recipes, podcasts, TV programmes and more on Dr Rupy Aujla’s website, The Doctor’s Kitchen

Weaning is an exciting time for a parent. Introducing your child to the world of food is the first step on a journey that will hopefully result in a love and appreciation of a wide variety of tastes and textures.

Weaning is also frequently a frustrating and downright messy experience, but that’s all part of the process. If you’re ever concerned by this, be assured that pretty much any negative reaction your child might exhibit is completely normal and will pass in time. Probably.

Vegetable-led weaning is one of the most common approaches recommended by experts, so we enlisted registered nutritionist Charlotte Stirling-Reed – an expert in infant and toddler nutrition – for more information on it, plus some tips for what to do when things aren’t going to plan.

Stirling-Reid is also sharing her advice during a free Zoom workshop in partnership with children’s furniture brand Stokke. The workshop takes place on Tuesday 8th December at 8pm. Sign up on Eventbrite.

What is vegetable-led weaning?

It’s kicking off the process of weaning by introducing your baby to savoury and bitter vegetables at the very start. So for the first 10 days to two weeks of weaning, offer a single taste of veggies each day. Thereafter it’s about building in a wide variety of other foods while continuing to offer plenty of savoury vegetables.

Should you offer finger foods or mush?

A bit of both. Lots of parents are anxious about starting weaning and telling them to provide only finger food can be daunting, and at the same time lots of parents don’t like the idea of only providing purée, so you can have a combination of the two.

When it comes to purée, it’s important to move through those textures quite quickly so your baby doesn’t get really accustomed to thin purées, because they should get used to having lumps and bumps in the food. You can move through the textures by stealth – make them a bit thicker daily.

How is weaning advice different from, say, 10 years ago?

It’s not that recommendations have completely changed, but 10 years ago weaning was traditionally started by introducing sweet veggies or sweet fruits, so things like apple or pear purées, or baby rice. Now we know from a lot of research that it can be beneficial to start with vegetables to create an acceptance and a liking for those, because babies will already accept and enjoy sweet tastes – they’re born with that acceptance. The whole point is to introduce something totally new that they’ve never had before, rather than reinforcing their existing preference for sweeter taste.

With vegetable-led weaning, is the hope that your child will be less fussy when it comes to food later in life?

Exactly. I’m not saying it’s a magic bullet that will make all children not fussy, but as long as you’re offering a wide variety and encouraging a love for food from a young age, and starting with veggies, then you’re more likely to have a child that will readily accept vegetables when they’re older.

When should you start veg-lead weaning?

In the UK we say around six months of age, but look out for three main signs of readiness in your baby. First, that the baby can sit up and hold their head and neck steady. Second, that they can see food, pick it up and put it towards their mouth by themselves. And the third one is that they have less of a tongue thrust reflex, so when they start they can swallow more food rather than push it back out with their tongue.

Once you see those signs, start with vegetables. Variety is key because if you offer broccoli five days in a row, well… I wouldn’t want to eat broccoli five days in a row, and a baby certainly won’t. It doesn’t have to be a different vegetable every day but do vary it. This way your baby won’t get sick of certain vegetables, and if they get windy with some vegetables they get a break from them.

It’s a short thing – 10 days, two weeks, then you move on to introducing your baby to a much more varied diet.

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Are there any vegetables to avoid?

In other countries they do sometimes recommend limiting things like spinach, but that’s not a recommendation in the UK because we limit the amount of nitrates in our foods, and we’re only talking about tiny tastes. They won’t be eating whole bags of spinach.

Don’t expect them to clear their plate – that’s so important. In those first couple of weeks it’s really tiny tastes, getting that taste on the tongue.

Should you feed the baby or let them feed themselves?

Definitely encourage self-feeding, but I’m a big fan of letting the baby lead you. Some will take to finger foods and they will just grab it right away and start feeding themselves. Others will splash their hands in the purée and spread it around their face and a little bit will go in. You can try offering some food on a spoon – it’s not a problem – but as soon as your baby shows interest in grabbing that spoon off you and trying to self-feed, I would encourage that. Try the two-spoon trick where you each have a spoon and when they grab yours you take the other and load it up for them to grab back off you again.

What’s the advice for after that initial period of 10 to 14 days?

Variety is key. There’s loads of research showing that the more variety you can offer children from a young age, the more variety they will eat when older, and that includes those savoury veggies. You want to make sure they are still a regular part of the child’s diet so they are familiar, because familiarity leads to acceptance.

There are only a few foods they need to avoid at this stage: salt, sugar, honey, and things like unpasteurised cheeses, uncooked meat and shellfish, certain other types of fish and rice milk. Apart from that you can have a lot of variety.

What can you do when they’re just not eating the veg?

First of all, the main thing is to know that it’s normal. We’re not expecting children to gobble it up, especially because vegetables are such a different taste. It’s a gradual process so try not to panic, keep going and do lots of role-modelling – if your baby sees you eating broccoli and sticks of courgette they’re more likely to accept and try them themselves. Keep going, because we know from research it can take 10 to 15 attempts before a baby accepts some of these new foods.

School’s out, extracurricular sports are suspended, and playgrounds are shut for the time being, so the onus to keep kids active falls squarely on parents and carers. Thankfully, there are plenty of options, and not just Joe Wicks’s 30-minute morning workouts, which is a good thing too because the NHS advice is for children between the ages of five and 18 is to aim for an hour of moderate to intense activity every day.

One great idea for slipping in some more sport is this set of 12 Tennis At Home games from the LTA, the sport’s governing body in Britain. The activities are split into two age groups, four to seven and eight to 11, often with the same game tweaked for different age groups.

The LTA has designed these games to be accessible to as many people as possible. “The activities are easy to complete in small spaces with siblings, parents or carers,” says Chris Pollard, the LTA’s head of strategy and innovation. Five of the 12 games also don’t require rackets so all you need is a ball, and not even a proper tennis ball. Bigger, soft balls are used in the demonstration videos – pretty wisely in our opinion, otherwise the LTA would be hit with bills to replace damaged TV screens up and down the nation.

If you want to get your hands on new rackets you can buy them from the LTA shop, with junior rackets going for as little as £12.34, or try your luck in a competition the LTA is running. Sign up to its newsletter by 11.59pm on 3rd April for a chance to win a racket. If you’re after some new balls, sports superstore Decathlon has softer baby tennis balls for £2.99 a pop, which should save your flatscreen if you’re playing indoors.

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And even if you have no intention of taking your little ones to a proper tennis court for a match once the lockdown lifts, the games will help their physical development. “As well as being a fun way to stay active during this difficult period, the activities in these videos will also develop balance, co-ordination and other essential motor skills that children develop through playing tennis,” says Pollard.

We’ll be trying them with our kids, although won’t be making the mistake we made with the PE lessons shared with us by our eldest’s preschool. Never ask your (well, our) kids if they want to do a PE or tennis lesson. Just familiarise yourself with the game and dive straight in. In the case of the LTA’s videos, we’ll start by getting a game of catch going, then weave in the tennis games as extra challenges.

While adding a little romance to the world is no bad thing, Valentine’s Day can also be hard for many people. If you’re single, it’s all too easy to feel lonely in the face of the onslaught of love and affection on social media.

If you are feeling down this Valentine’s, or have found that using a dating app has started to negatively affect your mental health, then heed this advice from Pablo Vandenabeele, clinical director for mental health at Bupa UK.

Can your mental health be affected by being single, on Valentine’s Day or at other times?

Valentine’s Day can be tough on your mental health, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Days which are supposed to celebrate love and togetherness can sometimes highlight how different, alone or low we feel.

Feeling lonely isn’t a mental health problem in itself, but it’s something that a lot of people with mental health conditions struggle with. Valentine’s Day is often full of people sharing their happiness on social media, and this could make you feel worse.

Feeling lonely can be very stressful and it can affect our wellbeing. Valentine’s Day can also be tough on our self-esteem, because there are a lot of unrealistic and idealised relationships to measure yourself up to.

Practising self-acceptance is a good place to start, if you’re feeling alone or low. Self-acceptance is about embracing all the different parts of yourself – both the good and the bad. Try to be compassionate with yourself. Tune in to your inner voice and take note of how it speaks to you. If you recognise that it isn’t caring towards you, practise talking to yourself in a way that you would to someone you care for. It might feel strange to do this at first but give it a try and see if you notice a difference.

How can dating apps affect mental health?

Dating apps can be great for meeting new people and stepping out of your comfort zone. They allow you to check compatibility before you meet in person, meaning fewer awkward dates. But if they’re not used in a healthy way, they could affect your self-esteem, body image and stress levels.

Feeling rejected can be a frequent experience on dating apps, and this feeling can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. As with loneliness, having low self-esteem isn’t a mental health problem in itself, but if you experience low self-esteem for a while, you may start to feel depressed or anxious.

There are many ways you can try to improve your self-esteem and it’s important to remember that different things work for different people, so try what you feel comfortable with. Aim to be kind at times when you feel like being self-critical, and surround yourself with people who help build you up, rather than those who criticise and put you down.

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What can you do if your wellbeing is affected by dating apps?

If you notice that certain apps are consuming too much of your time, this could be a sign to switch off. Likewise, if you find yourself feeling worried, panicked or anxious when you use the app, it’s probably time to take a break. Experiencing low self-esteem or having worries about your body image are warning signs to watch out for, too.

Here’s a few tips on how to have a positive relationship with dating apps:

Remember, you are not your profile. It’s impossible to show all your unique and individual qualities in a handful of photos and captions, so be mindful that swiping left isn’t a rejection of your complete self.

Practice self-compassion. We all have an inner voice that comments on what we do and say. Think about yours for a moment: if things go well, do you mentally congratulate yourself or are you dismissive? Are you overly critical of yourself? Lots of us don’t talk very kindly to ourselves and it’s important that we change this.

Be mindful. Keep track of how you feel when you interact with dating apps. If you notice that certain apps leave you feeling anxious, worried or low, it’s time to switch off.

Going through a divorce is one of life’s most emotionally wrenching events. That’s a statement that’ll come as no surprise to those of us who’ve parted ways with a spouse. But what might surprise you is just how many emotions the experience can pull on, and they’re often the same ones felt during a bereavement according to Linda Lamb, who’s been a solicitor since 1995 and is director of LSL Family Law. But it’s anger that we’re talking to Lamb about below. From how emotionally and financially damaging your rage can be during proceedings, to measures you can take to prevent it from getting in the way of the best possible outcomes for all parties, this is how you can keep your divorce as calm and civil as possible.

In your experience, what are the most common causes for divorce in 2019?

It’s down to an individual’s expectations, so obviously there’s a wide spectrum of reasons. Mostly, it’s not a case of both parties suddenly hating each other. Instead, one will realise that, over the years, they’ve grown apart and have less in common than before. There are so many different factors that can contribute – anything from marrying too young, to one person in the relationship changing their career and shifting their life goals. Other common causes I’ve found include sexual problems, disagreements on having children, the strain of having disabled children, relocating for work, all forms of domestic abuse, family involvement… there’s a lot of reasons.

What’s a common cause now that you wouldn’t have dealt with at the start of your legal career?

There’s a big trend for what we’re calling silver splitters. We’re seeing a lot of people retiring, realising that their relationship was strained even with work keeping them apart for most of the week, and that they can’t bear the idea of spending the next 25 years together solidly, every hour of the day. We’re also seeing far more people getting divorces and going into same-sex relationships, too.

So you’ve just discovered you’re facing divorce. What are your first steps to getting through it calmly?

I think it’s worth noting that it’s rare for both parties to be in agreement when it comes to getting a divorce. Usually one has gone through it in their head, so mentally they’re a few steps ahead. The thing people don’t understand about facing separation is that you go through the same mental trauma as a bereavement – there are stages of sadness, confusion, denial and anger. With that in mind, what’s important is seeking advice from people who aren’t focused on making things worse. That should mean going to a counsellor rather than to friends who are likely to have some level of investment in and bias about your relationship. And, of course, finding the right solicitor.

So how do you find the right solicitor?

Avoid the classic rottweiler who’s going to fire off threatening letters to your ex-partner. That only fans the flames. The situation will balloon out of control and, unfortunately, that’s when children get affected emotionally. Look for a solicitor that recommends dispute resolution – mediation or collaborative law. These are the least painful options, and also happen to be the least costly. With these, the family pot of money is preserved for the family and not spent on huge legal fees, which can get up into the hundreds of thousands of pounds. The courts should always be seen as the absolute last resort.

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What’s one thing people shouldn’t do at the start of proceedings?

It’s hard, but it’s so important to not say negative things about the other party, both verbally but also, obviously, on social media. It comes back to children again. When they hear or see mum slagging off dad, they interpret that as “If you hate dad, then you must hate 50% of me”. Can you imagine the pain that must cause? If my clients are really angry and have a huge amount of rage directed at their ex-partner, I suggest drafting an email, parking it overnight, looking at it the next day, and not sending it.

What other tips do you have about keeping things civil during the process?

Again, I really recommend seeking counselling for the duration of the process. A counsellor is there to help with emotional support, and to put into context what’s happening. It’s so easy to get stuck in the past during a divorce – going over and over what went wrong and what could have been different – and a good counsellor will help you make sense of the situation in order for you to move forward.

Finally, should you stay in touch with your ex?

If you have children, then you will have to. You have to communicate. If you don’t, your kids will divide and rule. Going to parents’ evening together, for example, sends a really positive message and suggests you can agree on things, can be civil, but also are still equally invested in what your children are doing in life. If you don’t have children, then I don’t know what the purpose would be. I was divorced, like, a million years ago. I don’t really keep in touch with my ex-husband. That said, I was very fond of his mother, so I do speak to her, every now and again.

It can often feel like there’s no agreement on anything, but occasionally a new idea comes along that makes so much sense that almost everyone sees that it’s a good thing. The Daily Mile is one of those ideas, because it’s an easy way to make children more active by making exercise fun and inclusive.

We spoke to the founder of the Daily Mile, Elaine Wyllie, about it and also Go Run For Run, which is a series of running events for children being put on around the country.

What is the Daily Mile?

“The Daily Mile is 15 minutes of exercise outside every day in school,” says Wyllie. “You can run, jog or walk, but there’s an emphasis on trying to run as much as possible and get fitter. There’s no kit, no equipment, no training, no set-up or tidy up, and it’s almost all weathers. The children average a mile and many do more. We have just under 9,000 schools signed up worldwide – about 25% of schools in England and nearly half in Scotland.”

Does it take place instead of or during PE lesson?

“It’s not sport or PE, but it makes children a lot better at sport and PE,” says Wyllie. “We don’t encroach on sport or PE territory.”

What are the benefits?

The Daily Mile has been running since 2012 and early results have already demonstrated its effectiveness. A study looked at two primary schools in the Stirling area – one where the Daily Mile had been introduced and one where it hadn’t – and found that the children doing the Daily Mile were significantly healthier.

“We have evidence from the Universities of Stirling and Edinburgh that it makes children fitter and faster, and have more stamina,” says Wyllie. “They lose fat in their skin folds and they’re mentally healthier – they have less anxiety and better short-term memory.

“The key is that it’s not another initiative, a gimmick. It’s here to stay – it’s long-term and sustainable. If it lasted six months it would make no difference to children’s health.”

The Daily Mile has also just announced that Imperial College London is embarking on a three-year study to find out if participants show improved physical health and educational attainment, and whether those benefits are sustained.

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Should parents do it with their kids at weekends?

“There is evidence that children take it home with them, and some parents come in and do it themselves in school,” Wyllie says. “But if you don’t do it at home it doesn’t matter – you’ll still get all the health benefits of the Daily Mile. And a lot of children live in areas where it might not be safe to go out and play, so parents are happier for them to be in their bedrooms.”

What is Go Run For Fun and how is it related to the Daily Mile?

“Go Run For Fun is all about events,” says Wyllie. “Very lovely, child-friendly running events all around the country. The flagship one was held in Battersea Park in London recently. It looks a bit like the London Marathon – they have all the paraphernalia, the start and finish, and banners. Go Run For Fun is a special occasion with a lot of razzmatazz in a public area, whereas the Daily Mile is the day-in, day-out fitness-builder in the school.”

The Daily Mile website offers resources for parents and teachers to help start running the activity at their school

The first few weeks after you have a baby are a blur of activity, as you frantically try to learn everything you need to know to keep your child alive and happy. Or as happy as they can be when all they do is eat, sleep, cry and... you know.

It’s a knackering and yet magical period, but it’s also common to experience some form of the “baby blues”, where you feel low and unhappy.

Postnatal depression is believed to affect about one in ten women, with many more experiencing a milder case of the baby blues, with chemical and hormonal changes after birth a common cause.

Men don’t go through these same physical changes, but depression can still strike new fathers. As this year’s International Fathers’ Mental Health Day focuses on this issue, we spoke to Glenys Jackson, clinical lead for mental health at Bupa UK, to get more info on how to spot paternal depression, along with what you can do about it.

What is male postnatal depression?

The term is used to refer to a type of depression experienced by men at some stage after the birth of their child. The actual condition diagnosed is paternal postpartum depression [but] male postnatal depression is commonly used due to the widely established female version of the condition.

What are the symptoms?

In a similar way to mothers with postnatal depression, fathers suffering from the condition may feel extreme sadness following the birth of their child. They may constantly feel worry and fear over their competence as a parent. They can feel very physically and/or mentally tired and irritable, experiencing high stress levels and even intrusive, distressing thoughts about harming their child. They may feel completely unable to bond with their child and excluded from the family dynamic, perhaps even feeling irrational jealousy over the mother-child relationship.

How common is it?

Paternal postpartum depression has been stated in some studies to affect up to 10% of men around the world, though other research has shown the figure to be as high as 25% in the first two months from birth. It has been said that the numbers may well be higher, but due to the stigma around depression in men, many may not speak up and seek medical help. The figure is also said to be higher in those who have experienced past anxiety disorders.

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How long after birth can it appear?

Paternal postpartum depression can be experienced shortly after birth, with figures thought to then increase in the first two to three months. However, some studies suggest that postnatal depression develops more gradually in men than women, with men more commonly experiencing symptoms 12 months after birth. There is also evidence to suggest that around 5% of first-time fathers show signs of depression during pregnancy.

What can you do to treat it?

Speaking to a GP is highly recommended, as well as self-care such as talking to friends and family, getting enough rest and eating healthily. Anyone who notices the signs in their partner should encourage them to seek help, because trained professionals will be able to recognise the signs and prescribe treatment, or in more extreme cases antidepressants, as necessary.

Psychological treatments can include recommending self-help courses or referring therapy courses, such as cognitive behavioural therapy. Having an understanding place of work can be a huge relief – for example, offering shared parental leave can allow an effective amount of time for fathers to readjust to their new role, bond with their child and be able to commit to the daily care and routine.

If you think you may need help, the confidential Mind Infoline from mental health charity Mind is a good place to start

There’s no way to fight the advance of the digital age and no matter how frustrating it is that your four-year-old is already more tech-savvy than you will ever be, it’s important to let kids take advantage of the wonders that technology now offers.

However, too much of a good thing certainly applies to kids and technology, thanks to the negative effects on the development of social skills.

We spoke to Clare James, psychotherapist for Natural Nurture nursery, about the impact screen time can have on children and asked for her advice on the best ways to limit that screen time.

How much time should children spend in front of screens and what problems can develop when this is exceeded?

The American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest that the maximum a child should spend in front of any device is one to two hours per day. That would be the maximum.

We’re looking at child development in interacting with the “other”. So when the child is on the screen, the interaction is with swiping the screen. They don’t have the interaction of eye contact with the other, or the intonation of voices and matching facial cues with what’s being said. Children are now coming to pre-school and regular school and they can’t read the facial cues of the teacher or another pupil. They become quite self-absorbed and therefore they’re not able to relate to the other.

There’s also the notion that the child’s sense of curiosity is limited. They get the reward from the devices based on predictive algorithms which keeps the child almost in a trance-like state, because the dopamine reward mechanism is activated, but there’s no social engagement with the other. The child then doesn’t develop being in the world and seeing how things work.

When you’re outside building something, you’re observing things and trying to negotiate how to work with the other. You learn skills of team-building, sharing, understanding another’s perspective, initiative, how the world works and how your body works. That spatial awareness gets blunted when you’re in front of a screen for four or five hours a day, or even less.

Are all screens the same?

When the child is watching TV the child has a chance to talk to the other and glance away, but when you’re looking at a device there’s no distraction and no talking to the other. It’s drawing the child in and it seems like there’s a relationship, but there isn’t. It’s manipulation rather than a relationship.

Is it important for parents to monitor their own screen use around their children?

Yes, it limits interaction. If you go somewhere and look at people pushing prams or with their children, they’re always looking down. The parent is looking at their phone, the child is on a device, and there’s no visual interaction. It’s become a norm for the parent. They really aren’t aware of the consequences of their actions on their children.

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What’s the best way to limit the time your kids spend on screens?

Instead of saying “you can only have an hour today”, say “you can have two half hour sessions, isn’t that great?” Come from a place of abundance rather than limitation.

Don’t ban it, because you can’t. Technology is important for these children, it’s part of life, but it’s not all of life. Sometimes children need some quiet time and sometimes a device can be quite soothing and calming. So you can’t knock it, but you can monitor it and say, “this is what we’re going to do now and that’s the timer. You have 20 minutes. And after 20 minutes we’re going to turn that off and do something else.” Then they learn to control their frustration levels.

When you take these devices away when they’ve had them for two or three hours, they have had this reward system with a predictive algorithm that gives the reward intermittently to keep the child engaged and involved. When you remove that suddenly or randomly, they want it back and get very frustrated.

The problem with this is that then you have dad or mum on the phone or devices. You have to be consistent. A child will say, “but you’re on yours!” If your children want to talk to you and you’re on the phone, don’t be surprised if they lose interest and don’t attend to what your rules and regulations are. If you’re not consistent, why should they be?

You want to be a role model for your kids. You want them to look up to you, to follow your lead, to respect you. But sometimes it doesn’t hurt to recruit ane outside influence to point the little ’uns in the right direction, especially when it comes to their diet. You can set a good example by wolfing down greens at every opportunity but there’s no way you can shield their impressionable eyes from ads for high-fat high-sugar high-calorie junk food.

So Coach is completely behind world-famous people backing you up when it comes to vegetables, and sports-wise they don’t come much more famous than Lionel Messi and his Barcelona teammates. The players and, less famous but probably more useful in this context, the nutrition team at the Spanish superclub have paired up with home appliance company Beko to create Eat Like A Pro, a website that lavishes you with recipes and healthy eating tips that will help your kids eat better – not least because Barcelona’s star men are telling them to.

RECOMMENDED: Make This Healthy Banana Flapjacks Recipe With Your Kids

Healthy recipes are a big part of what Eat Like A Pro offers. There’s a handy spinner where you choose the meal you want to cook (breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert) and how long you have to make it (from as little as ten minutes), which then offers a selection of recipes that fit the bill. There’s also a raft of recipes that you can make with your kids to get them interested in cooking, including a spectacular loaf of brown bread shaped like a rabbit wearing a bow tie.

Each recipe has a video and step-by-step instructions, along with noting the physical and performance benefits you get from eating the finished result. So the aforementioned bunny bread will benefit your agility, power and speed, for example. How do you think Messi won all those Ballon d’Ors? Bunny bread!

Along with recipes you’ll find a whole host of food styling tips on the Eat Like A Pro site, because creating a picture on a plate using food is one surefire way to interest your kids in healthy food. You can create a sloth using braised beef, mashed potatoes, carrots, dates and pickled ginger, or make a terrifying clown face poké bowl.

The Barcelona players get involved with the cheer generator, which allows you to select a player holding a customised board that applauds your child for finishing a portion of a certain food. There is also a series of video interviews where players discuss questions around healthy eating. Ivan Rakitic details how he started eating healthily, for example, while Luis Suárez is asked if he has ever eaten any weird yet super-healthy food and somehow passes up the opportunity to make a Giorgio Chiellini joke.

If you have a football-mad kid who rejects any and all healthy food Eat Like A Pro might be just the ticket for helping to change their mind. And even if your kids hate football as much as they do healthy food, they’re still going to enjoy making a bow-tie-wearing-rabbit-shaped loaf of bread, because no human on earth wouldn’t enjoy doing that.

A fear of commitment can be hindrance in all walks of life, but it is with relationships that it most commonly arises. Everyone is naturally a little wary of making potentially lifelong commitments, but when that fear starts to strangle relationships or stop you from even starting one, it’s something that needs to be addressed.

Coach spoke to Dr Mark Winwood, director of psychological services at AXA PPP Healthcare, for more information on what drives a fear of commitment and how people can turn that fear into motivation.

What causes fear of commitment?

When we talk about fear associated with commitment we’re really talking about fear of failure and rejection. Committing to something can make us feel vulnerable. What happens if we’re rejected? What happens if this relationship fails?

Fear of failure focuses on our expectations of ourselves. We expect a lot more of ourselves – sometimes we even expect perfection. Our fear of commitment might mean that we need to be perfect. And as we all know, perfection doesn’t exist.

If we don’t commit then we don’t have to face the failure. It’s like anything – if you don’t take the exam you can never fail it. But where does never taking the exam leave you? Nowhere.

How do you recognise it in yourself?

The only real way is to look at the consequences. What are you being stopped from doing? Does it mean that you’re not engaging in relationships, or avoiding certain situations?

Then it’s important to explore what that means to you. Look at the consequences of this fear and ask, “What am I really frightened of here? Is my fear of failure going to mean I spend my life alone? Is that something I want?” Probably not.

Can past bad relationships can make it hard to overcome a fear of commitment?

Absolutely. Sometimes we use that history as a way of predicting our future. That’s not really logical. We all have history and to a degree it does inform our future, but we need to stand back and think, “That was then, things have changed, things can be different. Can I learn from this failure?” That’s the most positive view to have on it. What did you learn from that particular poor relationship? What did it tell you about what your needs are and what you want in the future? Use that information as a way of making things better next time around.

If we don’t make mistakes then we never learn. That’s what happens when this fear of failure – of making errors – becomes ingrained. But actually we need to accept that errors are part of life, and errors can be opportunities. To reframe an error as something less catastrophic is a really helpful stance.

How do you turn your fears into motivators?

Look at the long-term consequences. “If I don’t do this, what might happen? What will I miss out on?” When we appreciate the cost it can turn into a motivator.

Is there a potential problem that for some people looking at the cost may make their fear worse, making it hard to act?

What we try to help people do if they’re procrastinating over making these decisions is to remove some of the choices. Just get people to act. Act rather than think and use very small goals. Trying to make your goals manageable can be really helpful.

If you’re going to use your fear as a motivator never start with your biggest fear. Always start with something quite small, and then work up using small, medium, and long-term goals. And enrol other people in your quest to do something, so you don’t feel alone.

So the key to relationships is just to do something?

Act! Sitting at home eating pizza in front of the telly is not going to help you meet your next partner. But I’m also not suggesting go out every night dancing on tables in every singles bar. Just think about the small steps you can take in order to address your fears in a positive way.

Face flushed? Out of breath? Feeling all tingly and satisfied? Whether you’ve had a good session in the gym or the bedroom, your body’s reaction is the same. This is because sex and exercise are inextricably linked: the more you exercise, the better your sex life will be. But, just as certain workouts boost certain parts of the body, there are exercises you can do to really set your sexual exploits on fire. Here’s how to choose the right ones to light the spark.

How To Boost Sexual Stamina

It takes the average woman 12 minutes to reach orgasm. So, in certain positions, that could be equivalent to 12 minutes of non-stop squats! With a few added benefits, of course.

Do it: Work on your thighs, hamstrings, bum, hip flexors and calf muscles with barbell squats. “Do three sets of 12-15 repetitions,” says personal trainer Ray Klerck. “If you can hold the squat for a moment at the bottom, you’ll really work those leg muscles.”

How To Have Olympian Orgasms

Ever wonder where an orgasm comes from? It’s the pubococcygeus muscle (sexy name, huh?), which stretches from the pubic bone to the coccyx. This contracts when you feel those orgasmic pulses – and the more you train it, the better it functions.

Do it: Pilates is ideal to target this muscle. Lynne Robinson, founder of Body Control Pilates, suggests the wind zip move to really activate the pelvic floor. Sit on a chair with your feet hip-width apart on the floor, ensuring your weight is even on both sitting bones and your spine is lengthened. Breathe in, then breathe out as you gently squeeze your back passage, as if trying to prevent yourself passing wind. Then bring this feeling forward towards your pubic bone, as if trying to stop yourself from peeing. “Continue to gently draw these pelvic floor muscles up inside,” says Lynne. “Maintain the core connection for five breaths, then relax.”

How To Feel Like A Godess

The sexiest attribute in a woman is body confidence, says a Men’s Health survey. “When you feel comfortable about your body, you’re far more likely to be experimental in the bedroom, because you’re not worrying about how you look,” explains sexpert Dr Pam Spurr (drpam.co.uk).

Do it: Many women feel least confident about their midriff, so target that area. “To reveal a toned stomach, you need to lose excess weight with cardio as well as doing abdominal exercises,” says Klerck. He recommends interval training on the treadmill: Alternate high speed running for four minutes, with slower running for one minute for a total of 30 minutes.

How To Flex It Up

Can’t get into certain positions? Make sure your muscles are flexible. “Focus on your back and your hips, as these are usually under the most pressure to move during sex,” says therapist Dr Ian Kerner, author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man (Harper Collins, £9.99).

Do it: The cat/cow yoga move helps mobilise the spine. “Begin on all fours,” says yoga instructor Kirsten Orchard (thethirdspace.com). “Inhale, then exhale, drawing your belly in and rounding your spine upwards at the same time. You should have created a ‘C’ shape. Now inhale, reversing the C shape by curling your spine towards the floor and lifting your chest and sitting bones up to the ceiling. You should feel this stretch across the front line of your body. Alternate between these two positions, then come back to neutral.”

How To Feel Sexy For Longer

While getting the heart rate up will help you feel in the mood, it’s important not to get too excited, says researcher Tierney Lorenz. “Our studies have shown that you don’t want to be too ‘high’ (freaking out), but you also don’t want to be too low (bored),” she says. “Exercise helps women get into the spot right in the middle, setting them up for a stronger genital response once they start feeling sexy.”

Do it: Tierney’s preliminary research indicates that strength training is a good way to go, as it boosts your sensory responses for longer than vigorous aerobic exercise. In fact, the effect can last up to an hour! Grab some dumbbells or a resistance band, or work on the bench press.

How To Give A Gold Medal Performance

Being a sexual acrobat is far easier for people who work out. “It’s not just men who need stamina and muscle strength in bed,” says Dr Kerner. “Women can find themselves unable to give the performance they’d like if their bodies fail them.”

Do it: Regular aerobic exercise will help give you the stamina you need for an extended – or even experimental – session between the sheets. Try to incorporate cardio into your daily routine: walk or bike to work, or take the stairs whenever you can. Klerck adds: “Frequent stretching will also give you flexibility. Throw in strength training with weights and you’ll be able to give a star performance every time!”

How To Rev Up Your Sex Drive

Women who do vigorous exercise respond more quickly to arousal triggers, according to research. “Women appear to have greater sexual arousal post-exercise compared to their response at baseline,” says Tierney Lorenz of the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas at Austin.

Do it: Stair-climb for 15 minutes before your partner gets home. The research showed that the arousal effect lasted for about 15 minutes after vigorous exercise… so enjoy!

This article first appeared in Women’s Fitness

There’s been a big ol’ brouhaha around kids’ snacks to kick off the year, with a Change4Life campaign telling parents to limit kids’ snacks to 100 calories, with a two-a-day max. Except one crucial part of the advice always seems to be left out in the press. It’s a rule for packaged snacks.

So when Amelia Stewart – food writer and founder of Cook First, a way of teaching people how to eat healthily in an uncomplicated way on a tight budget – suggested to us that we share her recipe for a simple, healthy, entirely unprocessed flapjack, we jumped at the chance. It’s not just a great alternative to packaged snacks – it’s also a fun way to spend time with the kids.

“These flapjacks are a great way to get your kids into cooking,” says Stewart. “Don’t worry about little fingers or creating a mess; there are no knives or complex kitchen equipment involved. This recipe also provides an opportunity for you to engage your children in the sugar debate and show them how natural fruit sugars can taste just as great while being less harmful.”

I tried the recipe with my three-year-old and the measuring, pouring and stirring held her attention throughout. I’ve even had a request to make them again.

Even better, the recipe accommodates guys like me who fall short of domestic goddess status. Could’t find jumbo oats, but boxed rolled oats worked; couldn’t find dried apricots but a raisin mix did the job; couldn’t find… well, you get the idea.

Of course you don’t need to have kids to make these delicious flapjacks. In fact, you’ll probably be able to whip up a batch by yourself in less than ten minutes once you’ve run through the recipe a few times. And you won’t have to share.

Healthy Banana Flapjacks

Ingredients (Makes 12 Servings)

• 2½ cups (around 225g) jumbo oats
• 2 very ripe bananas
• 1 apple
• ½ cup (around 80g) mixed seeds
• ½ cup (around 75g) raisins and dried apricots
• 1tsp cinnamon
• ½tsp ground ginger
• 50g butter or ½ cup (around 125ml/100g) coconut oil
• 3tbsp runny honey

Method

1. Line a small baking tray with baking paper and turn on the oven to 180°C/gas 4.
2. Measure the oats, seeds and raisins and place in a bowl. Then chop up the apricots and add them to the oat mix.
3. In another bowl, mash the two bananas with a fork. Then coarsely grate the apple into the bananas and add the cinnamon and ground ginger.
4. Next, take a saucepan and place it on a low heat. Add the honey and butter or oil. Once the butter has melted, add the banana/apple mix and the oats/dried fruit mix.
5. Stir well until the honey and butter or oil has completely covered the fruit and oats and it’s all well mixed.
6. Pour this mixture into the baking tray and flatten with the back of a spoon or spatula so that the flapjacks will be the same height all over.
7. Place in the oven and bake for around 30 minutes, until the top starts to go golden brown.
8. Wait until it has completely cooled, then slice and enjoy!

1. Feel Fabulous Underneath

Sure, we all love to shop for super-cute dresses and hot-to-trot heels… but don’t overlook your knicker drawer, ladies! Investing in chic but slinky lingerie will give your partner a pleasant surprise, and – more importantly – will send your self-confidence through the roof (no Bridget Jones big pants moments for us, thanks). From full-on stockings to stylish matching sets, treat yourself and you’ll feel like a goddess in no time.

2. Try A Striptease

Don’t worry, you don’t have to hurl your undies across the room or flip upside down on a pole to be seductive. Leave the complicated stuff to the professionals, we say! All you need to do is take undressing nice and slowly, and have fun. Start by slowly pulling your hair out of a ponytail and using your fingers to mess it up a little. Then unbutton your shirt, or slowly unzip your dress, letting your fingertips linger over fastenings, buttons and any exposed bare skin. Keep eye contact with your partner, keep it light and have a naughty laugh together!

3. Be Touchy

Nothing loosens things up like a massage, so why not treat each other to some bedroom pampering? How your partner likes to be touched during a massage can give clues to how they like to be touched during sex, so take note of what he likes and what he doesn’t. Mark Sands, spa manager for the Himalayan Romance Package at Ananda (anandaspa.com) recommends floral fragrances like jasmine, vanilla and rose as aphrodisiacs, so try scented candles, massage oils or incense sticks. Rub oil in the palms of your hands to warm up before you touch your partner’s skin. And, remember, don’t rush it.

4. Make A Rendezvous

If the idea of role-playing scares you, keep it light and fun. Even little things can add a new zing to a relationship, so try putting aside a ‘date night’ and make an extra effort for each other. Why not rock a pair of killer heels that he’s never seen you in before, or slip into a new dress or special outfit? Create a new ‘buzz’ about the night, chat each other up again, and enjoy all the compliments that he showers you with!

5. Put The X In Sex

Watching steamy films with your partner dramatically improves your chances of things heating up at home. “Studies at the University of Amsterdam [have] found that subliminal or conscious exposure to sexual images activates the body’s entire motor system,” writes Suzi Godson, author of Sex Counsel (Cassell Illustrated, £7.99). “The more intensely sexual the visuals, the stronger the electric signals emitted by your spinal tendious reflexes.” That might not sound sexy, but trust us…

6. Squeeze In More Smooching

Smooching, snogging, making out... whatever you call it, kissing is just great fun. What’s more, it plays an important role in your relationship, as it creates intimacy between you when you’re not having sex. Squeeze in a few during your week when he’s least expecting it; when you’re in the kitchen cooking dinner, when he walks through the door from work, or simply when you’re watching telly together on the sofa. It’ll wake up his interest in you and yours in him.

7. Get Healthy To Get Hot

A new study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that unhealthy lifestyle factors – such as lack of exercise, high alcohol consumption and smoking – are linked with sexual inactivity and even dysfunction. So, it seems a healthy lifestyle equals a hot love life... There’s an incentive to keep up a healthy diet and exercise regime if we ever needed one!

8. Get Texty

Why not use everyday technology to have some fun? Create a sense of anticipation for you both by sending your partner a surprise – and slightly suggestive – text message during the day. It could be an affectionate thought, or something as simple as ‘can’t wait to see you later’ – but you’ll be amazed at the effect. Choose your timing carefully, though: he may want to drop everything he’s doing and rush home there and then!

9. Just Do It

Most importantly, remember to make time for sex. Arousal and orgasms form part of a response mechanism that can be less intense and reliable if not used regularly. “If couples fail to invest in their relationship, it’ll deteriorate, regardless of whether they actually do anything wrong,” warns sexpert Suzi Godson. What better excuse do you need to get busy in the bedroom?

This article first appeared in Women’s Fitness

There is no single, all-encompassing approach to love that works for everyone, but there are some common themes that run through the majority of long-lasting, happy relationships. One man who knows how to spot which relationships have the right stuff from a mile away – or at least from across a restaurant – is Fred Sirieix, the maître d’ from Channel 4’s First Dates and spin-off First Dates Hotel.

Sirieix has seen more than his fair share of bad and good dates from long-term couples and first-timers alike, so we quizzed him on what he reckons the key ingredients are for a healthy relationship.

Make Sure You’re Having Fun

“You’ve got to like the person you are with and be able to enjoy their company,” says Sirieix. “It should be fun to have a conversation with your partner. If it’s not then you’ve got to ask yourself some questions about whether this is the right partnership or not. I think that you know instinctively inside your heart really whether it’s working or it’s not working.”

Get Physical

“I think that physical closeness is very important,” says Sirieix. “It’s one of the most difficult things to get when you’re in a relationship – to have that perfect physical connection with somebody. It’s not something you share with many people. It has to be special. It’s very rare to find.”

Those with their minds in the gutter will have assumed Sirieix is talking solely about about sex, but all kinds of physical contact are important.

“It’s a bit of everything,” says Sirieix. “That overall connection you get with the person you are with. How connected are you?”

Common Interests Are Key

Whatever you like doing, if your partner enjoys it too, that’s going to be a boon for your relationship – and especially helpful for stopping it becoming stale in the long term.

“Have common interests, go on holiday, talk about what’s going on on the news,” says Sirieix.

“I don’t remember who said ‘if you are bored of London, you are bored of life’. In my restaurant we are on the 20th floor and people ask if I get get bored of the view. I say no – I don’t get bored because it is beautiful. You don’t get bored of beauty. You don’t get bored of love, of connecting.”

Work At It

Even if you have that special connection with someone, however, you have to work to keep a relationship in good shape.

“You’ve got to be able to keep that connection alive,” says Sirieix, comparing a couple to a business. “If you have neglected or not nurtured your business it’s going to fail, but it doesn’t need to be this way. You can have a business that goes on and on and on, because you have the right product and are doing the right thing and you are there listening to your customers. There’s lot of giving, a lot of listening.”

Then Work Harder At It

Seriously, Sirieix is all about hard work – it’s the advice he’d like to give himself as a younger man.

“Work harder, that’s what I would say to myself,” says Sirieix. “I’ve always worked hard, but I would say work even harder. I think that hard work always beats talent. Talent alone is getting you nowhere.”

That applies across the board – in your career and relationships

“You can’t take things for granted at all,” says Sirieix. "You have to always strive for better.”

Listen Up

We asked Sirieix the biggest mistake people make on dates and in relationships, and there was one clear error above all to avoid.

“People don’t listen, really,” says Sirieix. “They’re not aware, not open. They’re not able to listen and to try.”

The new series of First Dates Hotel begins on Channel 4 at Monday 10th January at 10pm

It’s rude, it’s thoughtless, it seems somewhat bemusing women aren’t okay with lowering a toilet seat if men have had to lift it – all responses (of varying worth) to the act of leaving the toilet seat up in a shared household. While it seems a tiff that will rage until the end of time, or of toilets, Coach has come across an answer that seems more thought-through than most. The Pocket Encyclopedia Of Aggravation by Laura Lee is a collection of minor modern irritants and an attempt to explain them so they cease to be quite so annoying. Here’s the entry on Toilet Seat Left Up. Just choose your time to make this argument wisely – that time is not in the middle of the night when the woman you share a house with has just made unwanted contact with the loo.

You stumble into the bathroom in the middle of the night. Half asleep you sit on the toilet, only to find that your cohabitator of the masculine gender has left the seat in the upright position. You receive a rude awakening as you tumble into the bowl. Why can’t he just put the blasted thing down when he is finished?

Leaving the toilet seat up is, anecdotally at least, one of the main causes of minor marital spats. An unscientific poll conducted by a blog called UKBathrooms found (perhaps unsurprisingly given its focus) that poor bathroom habits were the leading cause of bickering and that it was the position of the loo seat that caused 48% of those tiffs. Whether or not couples actually argue a great deal about this issue, we certainly believe they do.

So what is the rule? Is he lazy and rude when he leaves it up or is the problem your assumption that toilet seat positioning is a man’s job? Fortunately, an enterprising Michigan State University economist, Jay Pil Choi, used statistics to come up with a definitive answer. The equation he employed (you can find it at https://msu.edu/~choijay/etiquette.pdf) is beyond my mathematical capacity.

The underlying reasoning is this. You begin with a household shared by men and women. Women always sit on the porcelain fixture. Men sometimes sit, but they also sometimes stand. To quote a famous children’s book, everyone poops. If you leave the seat up, then, either a man or a woman might have to reposition it depending on the particular call of nature. So, on the surface it seems that it is most efficient, and less likely to put anyone out if it is left down and only lifted when needed.

Problem solved. But wait! We’re only scratching the surface. It seems we do not defecate and urinate in equal proportion. If you are average, you poo once a day and pee seven times. (There are detailed graphs on this in Choi’s article if you want to see them.) So the question of whether the seat should be left up or down actually varies depending on the number of standers and sitters in the household. In a house where the number of women is equal to or greater than the number of men, then the rule should be seat down. To leave it up, men need to outnumber women by a certain ratio to “minimise the aggregate costs of inconvenience”.

The Pocket Encyclopedia Of Aggravation (Cassell) is out now. RRP £10, check price on amazon.co.uk

When they’re not mowing something, losing the battle against modern music or standing by to offer repair skills, it’s a father’s duty to hand down his wisdom to his sons. Here are some of fatherhood’s greatest hits for Father’s Day, as received by celebrities and civilians alike.

“Think carefully about what you can afford for the engagement ring – then double it.” The expression on my now-wife’s face proved how right he was. – Tim, editor

It’s OK to doubt yourself. My dad’s a bishop, and after a massive sermon on Christmas Day, he would turn to my mum and gesture to her, “Was that all right?”, which I’ve always thought is very human. – Hugh Dennis, actor

Kevin Keegan

I had 11 of my dozen in one basket and one in the other, because to really make it as a footballer you have to be totally focused and believe in yourself even when other people don’t.

My dad taught me the difference between flathead and Phillips screwdrivers, how to swing a hammer, how to do all your shopping in one trip to save petrol, and that when you forge your father’s name to a letter for school, be sure he will never find out. – Nick, househusband

My granddad told my dad, and my dad passed it on to me: if you ever find yourself in a police station overnight, don’t sign anything until the morning. I’ve never had to use it, but just in case… – Rob, telesales manager

“Never leave a job on bad terms as you never know when you may need to ask to go back.” Having left and returned to at least three jobs over the past 15 years, it is advice I’ve definitely taken. – Robin, sales director

“Never get tattoos.” My dad said you don’t want anything on your body that you can’t change, because you never know when you might change your mind. Plus, if you had tattoos the police would always be able to find you, if you were up to no good… A pity I didn’t listen. – Erin Davis, son of Miles Davis

Alice Cooper

“My dad never quit in the middle of something. I decided I was going to make Alice the scariest villain in rock ’n’ roll and I wasn’t going to stop until I was done. Well, 45 years later, I still don’t feel I’ve hit my peak. So my dad taught me endurance.”

RECOMMENDED: 21 Pieces of Life Advice from Men

“Always make allowances for the bloody fool in a car” – my dad used to cycle to and from work twice a day. – Joe, admin assistant

“Never take liquor into the bedroom. Don’t stick anything in your ears. Be anything but an architect. Live in a nice country rather than a powerful one. Power makes everybody crazy. Get somebody to teach you to play a musical instrument.” – Mark Vonnegut, son of novelist Kurt Vonnegut

On how to raise my daughter, my dad said, “When she falls, don’t run to her. If she isn’t passed out, she’ll probably be all right.” So far, so good… – Will, teacher

“Never finish your pint until the next one is in front of you.” – Ross, chef

Mike Myers

“He would laugh at the most horrible things – including his own Alzheimer’s. I’ve always thought his was an interesting philosophy. Once he got sick, instead of calling it Alzheimer’s he would call it ‘Old-timer’s disease’. I would go: ‘Dad, you’re making a joke?’ He’d say: ‘What can you do? You can’t bloody do anything about it’.”

RECOMMENDED: Life Lessons From Bond Villains

“Be good, but if you can’t be good then be careful, and if you can’t be careful then remember the date.” – Lee, managing editor

“Bullies invariably sh*t themselves when you stand up to them.” – Adrian, facilities manager

Amir Khan

“At home, I was always breaking things and annoying everyone. When I was eight, dad took me to boxing classes to divert my energy and keep me out of trouble. It made a huge difference to the way I saw life, and taught me discipline. It also taught me respect, because Dad made it clear that if I didn’t behave I wouldn’t be able to go back to the gym. If it wasn’t for him I’d have just wasted my life.”

“Women have deeper emotional wells” – arguably sexist, certainly well-meaning and probably true. – Andy, lawyer

Compiled by Gabriel Tate

Father’s Day is this weekend and you have absolutely nothing planned, do you? You’re an awful son. Your father worked his fingers to the bone to give you everything you ever wanted in life, and you couldn’t even muster the energy to rustle up a token of your appreciation.

Sure, you could sprint to the shops now and panic-buy a novelty gift he’ll bin as soon as you’re out of sight, but if you want to really show your dad how much he means to you, you should be aiming higher than a “World’s Best Dad” mug. You should be aiming to wow him, and nothing says WOW like an unexpected trip to one of the UK’s 15 National Parks.

It’s the perfect last-minute plan. The parks are scattered all over the country, so wherever your father is he’s bound to be within a couple of hours of one, and you can rock up and visit them anytime. You just need some semblance of a plan of what to do you when you get there. Minimal forethought, maximum returns – it’s the perfect Father’s Day adventure.

When it comes that minimal forethought, your old pal Coach has got you covered (with the help of Sykes Cottages) thanks to this splendid National Parks infographic, which gives four great day-trip plans for each of them.

Depending on your father’s preferences, you can opt to visit a castle, stately home or abbey, or see a famous landmark, or take on something more active like gliding in the South Downs, tree surfing in Dartmoor (we don’t know what this is either) or diving on the Pembrokeshire Coast. Furthermore, the infographic also gives a top tip on where to eat and drink after your visit to the park, including some excellent distilleries if whisky happens to be your old man’s favourite tipple.

So scroll down, take your pick and let dad know he’s in for one hell of a day. If you have siblings, we recommend calling them just as you leave the park, to really twist the knife about how much better at gifts you are than them.

What are you planning on doing for Father’s Day?

Rumour is we’re going out for something to eat – me and my missus, kids, and my mum and dad. It’ll be nice.

Are you expecting a present?

I hate getting presents, but I’ll get something. I’d rather give a present than receive one.

Are you planning on giving something to your dad?

I will do, probably something around fishing I bet.

What’s the most expensive or memorable thing you’ve bought your dad for Father’s Day?

I don’t know. I don’t think it’s about that, it’s about spending time together. The few times I’ve been fishing with my dad, it’s not really about the fishing – it’s about just spending time together and not buying any extravagant gifts. My dad’s in his late 60s, I don’t think he wants much. But he’ll get to see me, his grandkids, the missus. That’s more important to them than getting a pair of socks or shoes or something.

RECOMMENDED: Five Father’s Day Experiences In London Sure To Please Pops

What life lessons did your father teach you?

Hard work. He worked for British Aerospace for God knows how many years, worked 12 hour days – all for the family. Although growing up we didn’t have a great deal financially we had what we needed, and we had support and love from both parents. Without my mum, my dad and my brother I wouldn’t have been able to have done what I’ve done playing cricket.

Did your outlook change when you became a dad?

Yeah. I had my daughter when I was 26 and it had the best effect. My career had an upturn when we had her because she was the most important thing. From two or three days old she travelled with us everywhere and it just put everything into perspective. Come good day or bad day, she’s not bothered – she doesn’t care. It had a great effect on the way I played because it just frees you up a little bit.

What’s your approach to parenting?

I want my kids to express themselves. I want them to find something they’re really into and hopefully they’ll do that as a job. I don’t care what it is, but what I can’t handle is not trying. If you’re doing something you commit to it – you don’t do it half-arsed. That’s something I’m trying to pass down to the kids. Nothing’s given.

What’s been the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with, as a dad?

I think the hardest thing is that you want to protect your kids. You want to keep them safe.

Then because the boys both play cricket, it’s trying to make them work hard enough to do well, because they love it, but then trying not to put too much pressure on them.

Sometimes it’s just disciplining them. Some things they do and say… it’s funny. You want to laugh but you think, no… that’s not right.

I took Rocky, the youngest, to the gym when he was five or six. We were getting changed and there’s this fella naked and he’s looking for stuff in his locker. I knew Rocky was thinking of doing something – I could see it on his face. He just smacked this fella on the arse, there was a handprint on him, but it was funny. This poor fella…. And I was like, sorry mate.

But the one thing that is non-negotiable is respect – and that’s a bad example! – but it’s respect and manners.

Flintoff was speaking at the launch of his new fashion line for Jacamo. The Flintoff by Jacamo AW17 range is available from August

Here’s a hot tip when it comes to Father’s Day gifts: your dad almost certainly has all the wallets, whisky and novelty mugs he could ever want (FYI: he wants zero novelty mugs). So when Sunday 18th June rolls around, if your dad likes to walk, run or cycle, surprise him with a gift he’ll actually want and use.

RECOMMENDED: Five Father’s Day London Experiences Sure To Please Pops

A well made water bottle is the gift that keeps on giving and you can be sure that every time Pops takes a sip from the Chilly’s bottle you gave him on Father’s Day, he’ll think of you fondly. These flasks keep drinks ice-cold for 24 hours and hot for 12, making them perfect for cooling down after a run or warming up on a long hike. £20, buy on chillys.com

RECOMMENDED: The Best Running Water Bottles

Kit out the old man with all the tools required to fix any mid-ride snafus a cyclist might suffer, in a package that can be slipped into a saddle bag or a jersey pocket. If your dad is fond of big weekend rides, this should help ensure he never interrupts your Sunday with a request to pick him and his broken bike up from the middle of nowhere.

Even something as simple as a bike bell can make an excellent gift when it’s this well designed. The Trigger Bell’s position under the handlebars means it can be rung while braking, turning or changing gear. Never again will your father have to make the Sophie’s Choice between braking and a scolding bell ring when a pedestrian steps out in front of him. £9.99, buy on amazon.co.uk

It’s mandatory that any list of presents for fathers includes at least one pair of socks, but you can be sure these are very special socks indeed. Stance’s socks are stylish and comfortable, and will be a huge hit with any dads who run.

RECOMMENDED: More Running Socks

The most stressful thing on the morning of any running event is attaching your race number to your T-shirt without spiking yourself on a safety pin. Be a thoughtful son and remove that hassle from your dad’s life forever by buying him these magnetic number holders. Yes, you are responsible for all future PBs and should expect to be thanked every time.

Give the gift of self-myofascial release this Father’s Day, and tell your dad you’ve basically bought him unlimited sports massages for the rest of his life. You’re welcome, Dad – we’re square on that loan now, right?

RECOMMENDED: More Foam Rollers

This year Father’s Day falls on Sunday 18th June, which means that on Saturday 17th June shops across the UK will sell out of whisky, wallets and fancy shaving sets. Instead of joining the panicked masses in trying to come up with a suitable gift at the last minute, one that will probably be left in a drawer for the rest of time, why not treat your old man to a special experience? Could there be a better gift than spending time with you? (Disclaimer: results may vary).

Here are five top ideas for ways to spend time with Dad in London on Father’s Day.

Head For The Woods And Learn Some Bushcraft Skills

There’s nothing like fresh air, discomfort and pretending to be Bear Grylls to stimulate intergenerational bonding, so book a place on this overnight course at the Lee Valley Almost Wild Campsite in Broxbourne (just outside of the M25) where you’ll learn all manner of survival techniques. We’re talking fire-lighting, shelter-building, water-purifying and wild food-prepping. 17th-18th June, adults £100, children £50, book at visitleevalley.org.uk/whatson

Sign Up For A Butchery And Cookery Course

Learn how to cut and cook a perfect steak with this Airbnb experience in Clapham. The three-hour outing starts with a visit to M Moen & Sons butchers where you’ll watch a master meat-wrangler at work. Then you take your freshly cut steaks to the Cactus Kitchens cookery school to prep and eat them. £76 per person, book at airbnb.co.uk

Try An Unusual, Free Running Challenge

One for the fitter dads out there, or indeed the dads you think should be trying to get a little a fitter. You’ll get full marks for innovation by taking your father on any of these three running trips in London: collecting blue plaques, crossing every bridge in the centre of the city, or visiting the streets on the London edition of Monopoly.

Fly Down The Rapids In A Hot Dog

That’s right, it’s not only a suspiciously delicious form of meat but also an inflatable two-man kayak that can transport you and your dad down the rapids at the Lee Valley White Water Centre. If you’ve never paddled a hot dog before, and it seems a safe assumption, don’t fear – you get plenty of time to practise with pops before you head for the rapids. £90 per boat, book at gowhitewater.com

Brew Your Own Beer

Another excellent Airbnb experience option to consider this Father’s Day, especially if you’re dad is a fan of beer. Actually, only if your dad is a fan of beer. Spend the day at Brew Club in Clapton, learning about the different types of beer and brewing one of your own. And drinking, you’ll also drink some beer. £50 per person, book at airbnb.co.uk

Building up the courage to chat to someone at the gym? We interviewed four couples who found love in a sweaty place – namely a CrossFit box.

Pedro Ramos, 35, graphic designer/CL1 CrossFit coach and Talia Galati, 26, key leader at Lululemon

Time together: Six months

Favourite part of CrossFit: Pedro “loves a good chipper and barbell cycling workout”, while Talia’s always game for the Diane and Snatch WODs.

So who plucked up the courage to approach whom?

Pedro: I coach at the gym and so by default I try to feel connected with everyone a bit, but Talia was the girl I found really pretty and very nice right away. I also noticed her very natural talent for weightlifting. I started coaching her more on the movements and giving some tips. She was always amazing to coach and very polite, and things started rolling from there.

Talia: When I first started at CrossFit I was in a relationship, so meeting someone wasn’t on my mind. I think I was initially shy to get involved as I didn’t know many people and it was a new environment for me, but our box is so social and friendly you start to chat with new people eventually. I found Pedro very interesting, loved hearing his stories and learning about him. Eventually I started transitioning my class times to 6pm as I found out he often trained then. That’s when the crush really sank in.

RECOMMENDED: CrossFit For Beginners

Why is a CrossFit box such a good place to find romance?

Talia: It really is! We know about eight couples that train together. CrossFit has such a great community, so you’re able to connect with people who share the same passion and look to create an active healthy lifestyle.

Is CrossFit training something every couple should do together?

Pedro: It depends. I’ve met some couples that couldn’t stand training together as they wouldn’t accept advice from their partner or don’t like the competition between themselves. But I’ve never seen that happen at our gym – every couple really enjoys training and pushing each other to get better. I really love training with Talia and we try to do it as much as we can. It brings some kind of unity to the relationship, as we’re going through the same thing on every workout.

Talia: I think training together is great. As much as CrossFit can be an individual sport, it’s also a team sport. Every relationship is different, but I think for Pedro and I it reminds us we’re in life together as a team as well as to have patience with one another.

Any advice for couples who want to start training together?

Pedro: It’s always got to be fun. We sometimes play a friendly game of whoever stays in second place on the WOD has to take all the gear away back to the storage.

Talia: I love that Pedro is so supportive of all my achievements when it comes to CrossFit. He keeps me grounded, and reminds me to “do it for you”. And “always have fun”.

Which particular move gets you competing the hardest?

Pedro: Trying to keep up with Talia's burpees is often painful.

Will CrossFit feature in your Valentine’s Day plans?

Talia: Definitely. Most likely the 6pm class followed by a well-cooked meal – cooked together of course!

Love is in the air, and in a sweaty CrossFit box too, it turns out. As part of our CrossFit Couples series, Coach meets Tim and Jess, our third romantic pairing that not only train together, but gave up their day jobs to set up a CrossFit box together, too.

Tim Hickford, 28, and Jess Bacon, 27, co-owners of Saxon CrossFit, Norfolk

Time together: Nine year

Favourite part of CrossFit: Tim is a definite wall balls and rowing guy, and Jess loves “anything upside down”

You guys didn’t actually meet at CrossFit, but now run and train together at your very own CrossFit box…

Tim: Yeah, we met at a mutual friend’s birthday party ten years ago. When we met we both trained a lot. I had heard of CrossFit but there weren’t any boxes local to us so I did a few bits and pieces in my garage alongside going to a normal gym. It was when we moved to London that we both really got hooked on CrossFit and started training under its methodology full-time.

Jess: Back then, we were both working normal full-time jobs in which we weren’t particularly happy. We were coaching CrossFit alongside our regular work and both wished we could take it up full-time. After a particularly rough few months of work we decided to go for it. We moved back to our native Norfolk, saved up some money and took the plunge. We haven’t looked back since.

How much time do you spend training together?

Tim: Lots. We’re together pretty much all day every day. We train together five or six days a week for a couple of hours and try to have the same rest days so we can chill out together.

Why do you think romance is a fairly common occurrence at CrossFit?

Tim: I think it’s the amount of engagement people have with one another. In regular gyms people wear headphones and do their own thing, which can make it quite an isolating experience. At CrossFit you socialise, you talk to one another, you cheer each other on and form relationships.

RECOMMENDED: CrossFit For Beginners

What does CrossFit add to your relationship?

Tim: I think it’s great to have that shared experience, knowing that you’ve both worked hard on something that’s important to you.

Jess: I can only describe it as camaraderie. Having shared some tough workouts with Tim I know it has made us closer!

What’s the most unexpected challenge you’ve faced in setting up Saxon?

Tim: Switching off. The day doesn’t end when the classes do and there is always something you could be doing. It’s tough to know when to leave the work and relax. We now make sure we have time together where we don’t talk about the box, training or anything else CrossFit-related!

Which particular move gets you competing the hardest?

Tim: I dread going head to head with her on handstands and handstand walking.

Jess: Rowing! I know I won’t beat him but I try to set a pace with him that will make me work hard!

Will CrossFit feature in your Valentine's Day plans?

Tim: We will both be coaching together on Valentine’s Day starting at 6am. At least we'll be together all day!

Give us one piece of advice to remember when training with your partner

Tim: Remember your relationship is bigger than any one workout. Don’t get too serious with it all and enjoy training with someone whose company you enjoy.

Jess: Yeah. That and never “no rep” your girlfriend [claim the rep wasn’t executed properly so it doesn’t count].

Our CrossFit Couples series continues. Meet Eden and Jordan, our second romantic pairing that found love in the CrossFit box, and prove that couples who train together, stay together...

Eden Ross, 22, nurse and Jordan Gilmour, 22, mechanical engineer

Time together: Almost two years

Favourite part of CrossFit: Eden “always get excited” when she sees cleans, while Jordan likes any workout with barbells and gymnastics.

Take us back to where it all began...

Eden: I was early to my foundations class one Sunday back in 2015 and a strongman class was finishing off at the same time, so I watched them while waiting, wondering what I was letting myself in for. When the session had finished, a nice-looking guy walked over and I wondered what he was going to say... he asked me to move out of the way so he could reach his bag.

RECOMMENDED: Crossfit for Beginners

After my foundations I was totally hooked, and trained five or six days a week. The same guy I'd seen on the Sunday was at the majority of my classes. The coach, Jess, soon mentioned that he couldn't take his eyes off of me! I told her not to be silly, but I rather liked the look of him too. Then a few weeks later he’d tracked me down on Facebook, messaged to ask why I wasn’t training that day (it was my rest day) and subsequently called me lazy. That’s where it all began.

Good job, Jordan! Especially as chatting up someone from the gym often comes across as kinda creepy.

Jordan: For the first few months, I tried to avoid fatal eye contact during deadlifts and squats. But really, we're both easy-going people and I never found it awkward talking to Eden. Mainly because I couldn't ever get a word in edgeways…

What happened next?

Jordan: Well we now have a flat together, so you could say it escalated quickly!

Why is the CrossFit box such a hotbed for romance?

Eden: I know of loads of CrossFit couples. I think the lovely thing about CrossFit is that you can only be yourself. You can’t fake your strength or fitness. It’s also such a motivational environment where everyone gives you encouragement whatever level you’re at. People see you for who you really are... a sweaty mess most of the time!

Why should couples consider CrossFit training together?

Eden: It definitely gives us something to talk about and it’s a great excuse to spend time together. Being in competitions together is awesome fun too, although Jord gets pissed when I'm not burpeeing fast enough!

Jordan: You get a great release of endorphins and hormones while training, which really helps to de-stress us both. It helps keep us happy at home after a busy week.

Which particular move gets you competing the hardest?

Jordan: With any lifts I always try and double Eden’s max weights. That always keeps me training!

Read more from our CrossFit Couples by clicking here

As part of our CrossFit couples series, we met with four romantic partners who found love at their CrossFit box and prove that couples who train together, stay together. First up in our CrossFit Couples series is Lisa and Alex... 

Lisa Johnson, 26, junior consultant and Alex Winter, 22, assistant manager

Time together: 11 months

Favourite part of CrossFit: Lisa’s all about EMOMs (Every Minute On the Minute workouts) and Alex loves Olympic lifting.

So where did this all begin?

Lisa: I first noticed Alex at our CrossFit Christmas meal. He was tall, and wore a nice collared shirt and glasses. He doesn't wear his glasses at the gym so I didn’t recognise him straight away. Did I think he was cute? Yes I did. On the following Saturday, we were out in Norwich for the post-competition social and Alex made the first move. He followed me to the bar (in a non-creepy way) to help with a round of drinks. While I was waiting to be served I was asking him all kinds of questions so things didn’t get awkward. We continued talking for the rest of the night and he gave me a lift home, as a gentleman would. We went on our first date the following week.

Is meeting romantic partners at CrossFit a fairly common thing?

Alex: I know of three couples we train with, but I’m sure there are more. I think it’s common because you’re able to talk to the other members while training and get to know them on a personal level. There is also a common ground between everyone, so you’re never short of conversation.

What does CrossFit add to your relationship?

Lisa: It gives us a common hobby that we both love doing, together and individually. We use CrossFit as an escape and a stress reliever – our stress from the day’s work is taken out while dying in the WOD [workout of the day] instead of arguments.

Can you think of anything that’s really important to keep in mind when training together?

Alex: Never attempt to give your partner advice on CrossFit, or how to do something better. Even with the best intentions it never comes across the way you say it in your head. It tends to be annoying and condescending. And yep, I’m obviously speaking from experience.

Which particular move gets you competing the hardest?

Alex: AMRAPS [As Many Reps As Possible] containing wall balls and burpees make us compete the hardest. I always win but she gives it a good go, bless her.

Whoever coined the phrase “romance is dead” clearly never looked for it in a puddle of sweat on the floor of a CrossFit box. It turns out that underneath all the groaning and panting coming from your local CrossFit box, a surprisingly large amount or romancing has been going on, too. We found four couples who got together thanks to a mutual love of the demanding yet popular training regime, and we’ll be sharing their stories in the run up to Valentine’s Day 2017.

RECOMMENDED: Crossfit for Beginners

Lisa Johnson, 26, junior consultant and Alex Winter, 22, assistant manager

Time together: 11 months

Lisa and Alex first got chatting at a CrossFit post-competition social and went on a date a week later. Plenty of romantic partners bond at CrossFit because it gives you common ground, you're never short of conversation, according to Alex. Lisa says "We use CrossFit as an escape and a stress reliever – our stress from the day’s work is taken out while dying in the WOD [workout of the day] instead of arguments."

Read the interview

Eden Ross, 22, nurse and Jordan Gilmour, 22, mechanical engineer

Time together: Almost two years

Eden and Jordan couldn't keep their eyes off each other at CrossFit and after Jordan sent Eden some cheeky messages, things escalated and they're now living together. Eden loves the way you can't fake it at CrossFit. "People see you for who you really are... a sweaty mess most of the time!"

Read the interview

Tim Hickford, 28, and Jess Bacon, 27, co-owners of Saxon CrossFit, Norfolk

Time together: Nine years

Tim and Jess both got hooked on CrossFit after they got together, and eventually set up their own CrossFit box together. 

Tim says, “In regular gyms people wear headphones and do their own thing, which can make it quite an isolating experience. At CrossFit you socialise, you talk to one another, you cheer each other on and form relationships.” 

Read the interview

Pedro Ramos, 35, graphic designer/CL1 CrossFit coach and Talia Galati, 26, key leader at Lululemon

Time together: Six months

Pedro and Talia got together after Talia realised she had a crush on her CrossFit trainer.

Pedro says, "Training together brings a kind of unity to the relationship, as we’re going through the same thing on every workout."

Read the interview

A lower sex drive is an increasing problem for British men – 25% of people claim their libido is below average, according to a survey by Opinium Research. Low libido can be caused by myriad reasons, including stress, a lack of sleep and a poor diet. So once you’ve made moves to readdress any life imbalances, try these supplements – recommended by independent research firm Examine – to get your sex drive out of first gear.

RECOMMENDED: The Best Supplements

Maca

Maca, derived from a South American root vegetable, is one of the few supplements that has been repeatedly proven to boost libido. Studies have showed it can improve libido consistently over the course of eight weeks, at which point it plateaus but maintains its improved level. Maca does not interact with any major hormones, such as testosterone or oestrogen, and is not known to interact with any pharmaceuticals. To supplement take 1,500-3,000mg of maca root powder a day, with your first meal of the day.

Vitamin D

The lower your levels of the male sex hormone testosterone, the lower your sex drive. And one reason for low T levels is a deficiency in vitamin D, which is synthesised by your body from sunlight exposure. Research suggests a deficiency of vitamin D suppresses testosterone production, and with a lack of direct sunlight a perennial problem in the UK, you may be at risk. Take 3,000 IU a day – and you’ll also maintain levels of other hormones such as mood-boosting serotonin and dopamine.

RECOMMENDED: How To Boost Your Testosterone Levels

Fenugreek

The powdered form of fenugreek seed is used in Indian traditional medicine. It is sometimes taken to improve vitality and when taken by healthy men, high doses can increase libido and sexual satisfaction. However, more research is needed to determine whether it interacts with male sex hormones. To supplement with fenugreek, take 600mg of an extract containing 50% fenusides, the compound responsible for fenugreek’s effects, with any meal of the day.

Sex: such a vexing topic. Fireworks one moment, shame and embarrassment the next. Harnessing this exasperating spirit so that it brings nothing but happiness can often mean talking to a trained professional, but is that a conversation you’re capable of having? Coach correspondent Louise Chunn, founder of welldoing.org, a site that helps you find a therapist, explains how it’s done.

Grandparents used to say “into every life some rain must fall”. You’re probably more familiar with “shit happens”. Sometimes you find you just can’t cope and – often haltingly – some of you opt to seek help. That’s what therapy and counselling is all about: talking to a neutral person about events or habits that are worrying you.

But what do you do when sex is a big part of your problem? You’re not having it; you’re having it so much you fear you might be a sex addict; you only want it when you’re high or inebriated; you only want it with someone you wish you didn’t; you feel you’re not big enough, can’t last long enough, fear you won’t orgasm; you want it, but you can’t do it. The varieties of worries are many, but the places to go for help seem to be few. It’s just too private to talk about with a stranger, isn’t it?

And yet sex is something that everyone is miraculously supposed to be expert at and ecstatically satisfied by. Such pressures cry out for an outlet to discuss your feelings and the way you see relationships. And it doesn’t cost much more than a personal trainer: from £40 a session, delivered either in person or online.

Men find it more difficult than women to confront sex and relationship issues, but pushing your feelings down inside you is rarely the answer. As Andrew Reeves, chair of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), says: “Men have emotional needs in exactly the same way as women. The difference is that women have been allowed to seek support for them while men have been silenced through male gender roles, adding feelings of shame and isolation to the emotional mix.” Here, then, is an array of advice from a number of experts on how to talk about sex with a therapist – and why it matters.

You don’t have to know what’s wrong with you to see a therapist

Speaking to a therapist is not like seeing a dentist: it can take more than simply opening your mouth and lying back on a couch to get to the bottom of what has brought you there. They don’t expect you to self-diagnose or ’fess up everything on the first session, either. They’re there for the long run, helping you to understand your feelings and why you do the things you do.

Owen Redahan, a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) counsellor working in Canary Wharf, said he saw John*, 26, for three weeks before he got around to saying what was troubling him. “He was acutely embarrassed and ashamed that he was watching porn, and this was causing problems in his relationship,” Redahan recalls.

“He was happy to chat about the intimacy side with his girlfriend, but there was no mention of the porn he was watching.” Those weeks weren’t wasted, though; they enabled John to feel comfortable enough to open up to his therapist. “Once we got to the core of the problem, we could actually explore why he used porn,” says Redahan. “Then we could introduce changes that led to him developing his relationship and reducing his porn-watching.” Like most therapists, Redahan is non-judgemental: “I’m only against porn when it gets in the way of people living their lives fully – which it sometimes can.”

You need to find a therapist who you really feel comfortable with

Given the thousands of therapists around today, it’s not always easy to find the right one for you. And of course it’s even more difficult when the subject matter is so sensitive, triggering worries that the person you’re talking to will think there’s something “wrong” with you sexually. However Rima Hawkins, a sex therapist working in Chelsea and Fulham, tells me that 95% of her clients are male and that it doesn’t take long for them to feel safe talking about everything, from drug use to extra-marital relationships and seeing prostitutes. But many men, understandably, prefer to talk to a man about sexual issues, particularly if infidelity is part of the story.

There’s no definite rule here – in fact, one therapist believes the choice can come down to which parent they found it easier to discuss personal subjects with. People who want to explore their sexual identity may want to find a gay therapist, which they can find via welldoing.org or pinktherapy.com, but many therapists of either gender will be open to discussing this area.

Redahan recounts seeing 19-year-old Simon for the first time: “I had just started taking his personal details when he burst into tears, saying he just had to tell someone that he was bad and different, and that he hoped I wouldn’t judge him.” If you don’t feel reassured or understood, you should be honest about it. Therapists are used to not every client working out; a key to successful therapy is a strong relationship, so it’s in their interests not to continue with someone who isn’t a good match.

You have to give therapy some time to work

For one thing, it often takes a while for you to really get talking. So how many sessions will you need, then? It’s hard to answer, as there are so many variables. Sometimes it’ll be a few sessions; some see their therapists for years. Hawkins had one client who had been satisfied with casual encounters, often involving Viagra and porn, for years but now wanted a relationship. “At first he couldn’t get an erection in a dating scenario,” she says, “so I explained to him all about foreplay and tenderness, whereas his primary desire was penetration and orgasm.

“I gave him permission to try to do it differently, and slowly he found that it could work.” She initially saw him every week for four months, reducing their sessions to fortnightly. Now they meet each month. “He’s worked very hard on himself,” she observes, “though he’s not yet found a partner.”

Seeing a sex therapist or general counsellor 

You can choose between seeing a sex therapist or someone who is more generally trained as a therapist or counsellor – though the experience will probably be different.

The relationship between you and your therapist is more important than their experience or qualifications, but it’s worth knowing the difference in approach to counselling so that you look in the right place for the best therapist for you. Sex therapists are specialists in the study of human sexuality, whereas therapists and counsellors (especially those who include CBT) are generalists, used to talking more broadly.

Hawkins, for example, is a member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) and has worked as a dedicated sex therapist for 18 years. The majority of her clients see her to deal with erectile dysfunction, and although they range from the age of 18 to into their fifties, there is a large cohort in their twenties. COSRT’s directory is a good place to start looking for qualified sex therapists.

Simon Hudson, on the other hand, is an integrative (meaning he uses a variety of styles of therapy) counsellor working in central London. He sees a lot of men – of all ages – who come to talk about their feelings around intimacy. Most therapists have experience in talking to clients about relationships, and those who specialise in it will often have extra training in interpersonal relationship counselling.

Everyone feels embarrassed talking about sex, but these people really have heard everything before

It’s not easy for anyone to talk about something as private as sex to a stranger. But it’s not as awkward as you might imagine.

You can use whatever language works for you; you don’t have to be polite. Therapists are professional in their approach and it’s part of the process for you to be as absolutely honest as you can. “Many men feel they will be judged failures if they have to talk to someone about sex,” says Redahan. “But you’d go to a doctor if you had a physical problem – so why not go to a counsellor if you are stuck with negative feelings that you can’t overcome?”

Ben Douch, a psychotherapist who uses a mindfulness-based approach and works in east London, says he’s found some clients will initially be much happier talking about problems in a relationship. “That’s an opportunity to push the blame onto someone else,” he observes. “It’s safer than accepting there is something about themselves that they don’t like.” But sometimes it’s only after a few sessions that the deeper stuff will come out: an affair, or problems with feeling undesired/unnoticed. While not wanting to stereotype, Douch has also noticed that “gay men are more comfortable with the subject, whereas straight men identify sexual prowess more with masculinity. So to talk about it means being vulnerable, and that is something [straight] men don’t enjoy.”

Therapists aren’t there to stop you doing things, but to help you understand yourself better

All the therapists I spoke to mentioned that many young men are now experiencing problems with porn addiction, particularly if it’s been available to them from a pre-teen age. We may know it’s a common practice, but it’s still a secret, hidden-away behaviour often shielded by shame. And that’s not a healthy feeling.

“The problem with porn,” explains Hudson, “is that it keeps you away from your needs. It gives you a dopamine reward but with no intimacy reward, so it’s ultimately unsatisfying. It fits in with our short-termist approach to so many things, but ultimately most men want a relationship – with connectedness, intimacy, trust and the status that brings, so they need to break away from their reliance on porn.”

*Client confidentiality is protected therefore names have been changed

In This Series

• Introduction
• How to Deal with Stress at Work
• Desk Exercises for Those Who Never Leave the Office
• Reclaim Your Gadget/Life Balance
• Is it Ever OK to Have a Romantic Relationship at Work?
• Healthy Specimen: John Maloney
• Women at Their Best: Jenny Biggam
• Men at Their Best: Matt Scheckner
• My Fitness Fingerprint: Chris Good

Dan Pimm, December 19

Yes of course, just don’t keep it a secret from your colleagues (they’ll find out quickly enough) and don’t do it if you are already in a relationship with someone (karma will most certainly come and get you).

Michelle Sarpong, Aegis

Of course it’s OK, I mean you spend most of your time at work. However, it really does depend on the individuals. As long as they don’t allow other workmates to interfere with their relationship and on the flip side their relationship doesn’t impact anyone around them, then it’s all good. A problem only arises if there is messy break up, but you can always leave. There are lots of agencies out there!

Olly Ruff, Zenith Optimedia

There’s nothing wrong with having a relationship at work. It’s the break-ups that are the problem. So only go out with someone at work if you know in your heart that you are destined to be together forever. But don’t make that decision in the pub.

Louis Mayne, OMD UK

If it starts to affect your job then maybe it’s not OK, but the same could be said of relationships that are outside of work. Industries draw like-minded people together so relationships are inevitable and I don’t see any problem with them.

John Dawson, MEC

Yes, I've had office romances. Loads! Not here - at another place I worked at. Good-looking ones as well. But they're not a good idea. It's like doing something terrible on your own doorstep. I've had loads of offers here, but I say 'No way, it’s just too distracting.’

Vanessa Doyle, Initiative London

It’s always OK to have a relationship at work, meeting people gets more and more difficult and so who cares where you meet someone, as long as you meet someone. If it feels right I say go for it – as long as you're both grown up about it if it doesn't work out. Go and find your swan!

Emma Brogden, Mediacom

On the one hand it's OK to be in a relationship with someone you work with as they would be more considerate as to why you need to work late, why you’ve got to go to those client drinks and why you have had a ‘few’ alcoholic beverages at lunch. However, on the other hand if it all goes wrong be prepared for everyone to know your business. Nothing spreads worse than gossip, especially in the world of media. What it comes down to is how closely you work with that person and how willing you are to trust them.

Lindsey Webb, Liquid Thread, SMV Group

Of course it is OK, especially in media land whereby nights out fuelled by alcohol and co-workers mixing are often a-plenty. Is it going to cause you a massive pain in the a**e at a later (or not so later) stage? YES! With varying extremes of consequences ranging from awkwardness, being the focus of the office-gossip or having to leave the role you are in entirely. Occasionally it works, of course, but mostly it doesn’t.

Mike Lawrence, Manning Gottlieb OMD

I’m not sure if it’s the same everywhere, but in our office people thrive on gossip – we all love it, don’t deny it! So what’s wrong with feeding the needy?

Craig Constantinou, Mediacom

It’s likely to happen considering the amount of young people in the industry and the social lives that we lead. It also helps that we’re like-minded and understand the requirements of the job. Just be prepared to handle the opinions and the gossiping.

Charlie Woodall, OMD

Everyone knows that the best bit about office Christmas parties isn’t actually the event itself (although they can be pretty good) but the hungover discussion the day after where the first question is inevitably “So who got with who last night?” The answers always surprise and provide ample entertainment to survive the next day, and are absolutely the reason why work relationships are OK, particularly the ones both parties regret the day after.

Ross Coombes, Amplifi

At the end of the day, what is a ‘relationship’? A quickie in the toilets, a fumble under the desk, a game of footsie from the person sitting opposite you…. If so, then, yeah, why not!

The verdict: A big thumbs up, especially from the spectators

The voyeuristic appeal of watching two – possibly horribly mismatched – people on a date is only half the fun of First Dates. The suave maître d’, Fred Sirieix, has become an unlikely hero of the Channel 4 show, thanks to his megawatt charm and unique proverbs about love. Example: “The first date is like a game of poker. Which card do you keep close to your chest, and which card do you put down on the table?” Indeed. We caught up with Fred to talk salads, sex and staying in shape.

Should you ever order salad on a date?

Yeah, if you like a salad, have a salad, and if you like a steak, have a steak. It depends what you want to have, right? Look, romance is all in the head at the end of the day, so if you feel like oysters and you think it’s romantic, have them – it all depends on you and how you feel on the date; how it’s going, what you’re sharing and what the connection’s like.

Are you a lover or a fighter?

Both. But I like to think I’m more of a lover. You’ve got to love to fight, and fight for what you love, you know? Also, I love boxing, I really love it – what a sport. It's got everything: it’s about the physical fitness, but also your mental fitness – you’ve got to condition your mind and body to be in the ring. You can be very fit in your body, but if your mind is not conditioned and you don’t believe in yourself enough, or you don't have courage and determination, then you go down. You really go down.

Fred Sirieix/Instagram

Which excuse for not exercising out are you most ashamed of?

I never have any excuses, because I’m the only one who knows if I’m not going, so I just do it. Every morning I wake up and do 306 press-ups, then I do some exercises with 10kg dumbbells, and that takes me about 25 minutes. That’s just before I have my coffee and breakfast, and then I cycle to work. Then, if I have time in the afternoon, I’ll do half an hour of boxing, then I’ll cycle back home. My training has changed now – it’s more in small doses, but throughout the day, so it suits my lifestyle and my working day much more than before.

Have you ever had a mishap on a yoga mat?

No, ha! I’ve never done any yoga – I think I should though, because I’m not flexible enough and I think it would help because a lot of the exercise I do is more towards strength, or involves running or boxing. I don’t stretch because I find it boring – that’s very bad, and I should do it. But yoga is very very hard, it’s tough.

Have you ever secretly impressed yourself with a feat of strength?

You’ve got to pat yourself on the back. So whenever I do something that I think is good I just pat myself on the back. There isn’t a single day where I want to do my morning press-ups – I never want to do them. But I always kick myself out of bed and within five minutes of waking up, I'm on the floor pushing up, and every time I think, “Yeah, that’s good Fred, you’ve done it” every morning.

Fred Sirieix/Deliveroo/Instagram

What’s the most extreme thing you’ve done in the name of good health or fitness?

I ran the ultramarathon between Glasgow and Edinburgh when I was 40 just because I wanted to show that I could do it. It was 42 miles [67.6km], which was extreme but it was OK because you just pace yourself, you prepare for months and you just do it. It was OK really.

Have you ever bought a piece of exercise equipment but never used it?

No. I use everything I buy, but mainly, I think that your body is the best piece of equipment. I don’t need tools for exercising – it’s just me and my press-ups and running. You can do whatever – you can shadow box, you know? Your body is just amazing.

What’s the longest you have gone without alcohol in the name of good health?

I don’t know, a week? I don’t do all this stuff like Dry January – I don’t believe in it, I think it’s just rubbish. People have these extreme ways of dieting and cutting down on things, but I think it’s better to be balanced throughout the year than to employ drastic measures, like the 5:2 diet or whatever. I think it’s about a balanced approach to your diet, for example, like eating butter, but not too much, and using more energy than you’re actually putting in your body.

Fred Sirieix/Instagram

Do you ever lose control, calorie-wise, after a gym session?

No. You know what? I enjoy life and it’s important for me to have fun, and eating is part of what I do, but I don’t want to just pig out, I want to make sure that I have as much of a balanced lifestyle as I can. Exercise is a part of me because I’m a very energetic person and if I don’t exercise, I just don’t feel well. I need to get the energy out of my body, otherwise it stays inside and it makes me feel sick – I need to move, I need to do something.

Have you ever pulled a muscle in less than heroic circumstances?

While making love!… No, I’m quite healthy, never broke a bone, never seriously pulled a muscle. Although before Christmas I was at Winter Wonderland and I went in the haunted mansion. It was in the dark and some guy started tickling my neck, and I got frightened and tensed up – my neck was stiff for two days. I mean, what a plonker – I was screaming like a little girl.

The new series of First Dates starts on Friday 15th January on Channel 4 

Fatherhood can be absolutely lethal for your waistband. A lack of sleep prompts your metabolism to take a relaxing vacation, and that can mean you’ll pack on an extra stone or two… or three… without really noticing. When you’ve got an extra mouth to feed, the quality of your own diet understandably takes a back seat as the abundance of hassle-free ready meals and celebratory cakes baked by beaming relatives pour in from all angles. Not to mention that great excuse so many dads heroically throw around: “I got bigger to make my partner feel better about her weight gain”. But the final nail in the lid of your trouser size’s coffin is time – going to the gym is suddenly out of the question now there’s this manic midget version of you demanding to be kept alive every hour of the day (and night).

To assess just how widely experienced this infant-based weight gain is, we asked a few dads how fat they got.

Hamish, 41, two children

“I decided to go on a bit of a health kick before becoming a dad, so while my wife was pregnant I took the opportunity to go vegan and it felt great – I was in the shape of my life! Then my first one was born, and suddenly all of my time was spent tending to the baby and helping my wife who had been through a caesarian – so all of the meticulous cooking, planning, measuring and weighing went right out of the window and I just ate whatever was convenient. I put on about a stone. It’s all worth it though… Kind of.”

Dan, 35, one child

“I noticed that my clothes were becoming tighter and that any kind of movement or exercise was getting much harder, and I put it entirely down to eating at really weird times. When my son was newborn, I didn’t know what time of day it was most of the time, so I’d just find myself sticking my head in the fridge in the early hours, snacking constantly. I put on about two stone, but it’s a rite of passage – new dads put on weight, we should embrace it. I’ve started cycling everywhere now, and that seems to be working.”

Olly, 40, two children

“I actually think that the stress of having to witness childbirth followed by the chronic lack of sleep makes you lose weight. But then it all goes back on when you have to start making stuff that you can eat with one hand while calming the baby with the other. I put on about half a stone thanks to old friends like lasagne and shepherd’s pie.”

Rob, 43, two children

“It’s tempting not to bother cooking and just reach for a takeaway menu. You concentrate less on yourself and you stop exercising as much, because your kids’ needs supersede yours. Plus I’m basically a human dustbin, so I’d always finish off my daughter’s meals once she was on solids – this all probably explains why I’m a couple of stone heavier since becoming a dad. My trick now is to get off the tube one stop early and I avoid using lifts. I’m pretty sure it will pay off…”

Ken, 41, three children

“I had my first two kids in my 20s, so I was kind of OK, but then about five years ago I started to develop a real dadbod – fat face, jowls were forming, I put on about three stone without really noticing. Being a ‘thirsty father’ drinking too many beers was destroying me. I think the key is to play sport with your kids, go running with them, go for family walks – basically encourage them to exercise and join in with them.”

Mark, 35, two children

“Since my daughter was born four years ago I’d say I’ve put on about two stone. I just had too many sweet snacks and sugary drinks because I enjoy them and they’re easily accessible. I’ve had to concede and send some old clothes to charity shops knowing they will never fit me again.” 

Rory, 39, two children

“I put weight on pretty much instantaneously – not loads but a noticeable amount. I could feel it gathering on my back, and some photos from a family holiday left me in no doubt. Before kids I’d been going to the gym every lunchtime, post-kids I was more interested in dozing at my desk. But who cares? You’re a new dad, you get fat for a bit, it’s no big deal and no time for being vain.”

Matt, 38, two children

“I haven’t put on any weight, I just walk everywhere fast and aggressively and that pretty much keeps me in shape. I make sure I walk at least 2km a day – it’s working out for me.”

Nick, 38, two children

“I haven’t been on the scales. What's the point? I measure my weight by seeing if my T-shirts fit me and if I can fit into my wedding suit which I dust down once a year. The truth is that currently, no, it doesn’t fit – the trousers don’t do up, so I untuck my shirt and hope no one notices.”

Exercises you can do using your baby

Just because you don't have time for the gym doesn't mean you don’t have access to a weight. Just make sure it's asleep before using. 

Complete three sets of 12-15 reps for each exercise with 30-60 seconds’ rest between sets.

1. Squat with chest press Standing with feet hip-width apart hold your baby to your chest, squat down, ensuring your heels remain grounded, as you lower extend your arms out fully in front of you, then drive up through your heels and thighs and return your baby to your chest and be rewarded with a smile (hopefully).

2. Shoulder press with twist Stand with feet hip-width apart with a slight bend in your knees, holding your baby under its arms to your chest. Without arching your back lift the baby above your head and lower. Once back in the starting position, twist to your right at the waist 90° then return to your starting position and repeat, twisting to the opposite side on the next rep.

3. Baby car seat biceps curl As simple as it sounds. When your baby is asleep in its car seat, stand holding it in one hand, arm extended by your side. With knees slightly bent and core engaged, curl the seat up towards your body keeping your elbow still by your side, return slowly under full control and repeat before repeating with the other arm.

4. Russian twist Sit on the floor with your knees slightly bent and feet flat on the floor. Hold your baby in front of you and lean back at a 45° angle, curving your torso slightly. Keeping your hips still, rotate your torso to one side and touch your baby down on the ground, then lift and rotate to your other side and repeat. Complete in a smooth controlled motion.

Workout created by Jeremy Johnston domoremovement.co.uk

“In bed, when asleep, you can’t fake your body language – and neither can your other half,” says dating expert Hayley Quinn. “The way you sleep with your partner reveals a lot about your relationship.” It can also affect your health, so reassess your repose and reap the benefits. 

Spooning

“Spooning is a protective gesture,” says Quinn. “If you’re the big spoon you enjoy taking the dominant role. But if you end up the little spoon it’s a sign she wants to look after you.”

Sleeping on your side might also reduce your chance of snoring and the increased risk of heart disease and stroke it brings.

Her head on your chest

“This represents her enjoying your manliness by drawing attention to one of your most masculine features.” You can emphasise this even more by building your pectoral muscles with slow dumbbell flyes, which force your chest to grow, providing an impressively firm pillow for your partner.

RECOMMENDED: Chest workout at home

Back-to-back

“Rather than a lack of communication or interest, this shows a maturity of your love. It shows you’re both comfortable and relaxed in each other’s company.” It also means nobody gets unnecessarily woken up, promoting longer restorative REM sleep and more direct blood flow to your muscles.

Arms around her

“Typical in the honeymoon period. A full-arm embrace is a sign of ownership but it’s also highly romantic. After sex it increases your bond and builds intimacy.” At the same time it boosts levels of the “love hormone” oxytocin, which Swiss research has shown to reduce the stress hormone cortisol. 

RECOMMENDED: More ways to boost oxytocin

Face-to-face

“This shows an eagerness to know everything about your new partner and a willingness for intimate conversation. Just beware morning breath.” To avoid it, drink milk after your evening meal – a study in the Journal Of Food Science found that doing so reduced noxious breath.

Your question

‘I love the idea of exchanging X-rated snaps with my girlfriend and perhaps even involving a camera when we’re together. I’m not a professional photographer, though, and I’m definitely not a model. How can we ensure our intimate images are sexy and flattering, not cringey?’
Flynn, via email

Sending and receiving saucy selfies can be a big turn-on. But you must consider the composition of your shots. One guy sent my friend a picture of himself taken while standing up, the camera pointing down his otherwise faultless naked body at such an angle that it looked like his big toe was growing out of his ballsack. Endearingly hilarious, but not so horny.

Equally, taking explicit photos of your partner or both of you together can be hot. But if they’re unflattering, they can wallop your self-esteem and leave you worrying whether you always look so strange in the bedroom.

Here are a handful of hints to help your love life look lush through a lens, with advice from some expert friends.

• Andy, founder of Ruffled Sheets sex blog and writer for Erotica, says, ‘First, check what’s in the background of your photo. Tidy the room, remove anything distracting and shut out pets!’

• Good lighting = good looking. Photographer Anna Sampson, head of visuals at lingerie firm Playful Promises, says, ‘Dim, moody lighting may feel sultry, but if you’re using a basic camera or phone you may struggle to get a good picture. Experiment with lamps, ensuring light falls from above rather than shining from below.’ Move lights around to play with shadows until you find what looks best.

• We often associate naughtiness with nighttime, but don’t discount daylight from your private portraits. ‘Posing by windows with billowing curtains can look stunningly sensual,’ says Sampson.

• ‘Avoid using the flash if possible,’ says Sampson. ‘It has a habit of making nudes look like the recently deceased.’

• Throw a cotton shirt or sheer scarf over a lamp so it shines less harshly. Be careful just to set desire aflame, though, and not your house.

• Using a decent digital camera? Let pro Marcus Tucker be your guide. ‘Slightly increase the exposure setting to lighten your pictures, which should improve skin tone and reduce wrinkles. Also tweak the white balance towards yellow/orange to give an attractive warm glow.’ Don’t overdo it, though: you want a little oomph, not full-on Oompa-Loompa.

• If, on the other hand, you’re having trouble balancing hues, ‘try shooting in black and white or converting colour photos to monochrome for a classy solution’, says Andy.

• ‘When it comes to posing, holding natural-looking smiles and positions for more than a few seconds is tough,’ says Tucker. ‘Take three shots in quick succession and pick the best one rather than stringing things out.’

• Delete dodgy shots immediately. Don’t get down by dwelling on them. Likewise, if you’ve taken a snap of your girlfriend she dislikes – even if you love it – bin it.

• Photographer Emma Bailey recommends checking out creative porn Tumblrs such as LetMeDoThis.com for inspiration on locations, themes and body positions.

• Popping an automatic filter on a photo can be an easy way to improve it. You can use apps such as Instagram to alter images without publishing them – but proceed with extreme caution!

• Only share shots with people you trust, so pay attention to basic digital security. If you’re worried, consider taking Polaroids instead. A classic instant camera would make a perfect kinky gift for a dirty weekend.

Your question ‘I work long hours and have frequent business trips. I’m seeing less of my girlfriend and when we do meet I’m often knackered. How can I stop this affecting our sex life?’
Patrick, via Twitter

First of all, you need to assess whether it’s truly necessary for you to be working late so frequently. Sometimes it will be unavoidable, but use careful time management and you might be able to make more time for the missus. 
To avoid the daily grind completely obliterating your, er, nightly grind, be mindful of the three rules below, and keep things sexcellent even when your diary’s fuller than a Gypsy bride’s skirts.

Maintain communication It’s vital to keep your other half from feeling like your job has reduced her to an afterthought. ‘All women want to feel desired and kept in the loop,’ says Rachael McCoy, sex and relationships coach at Erotica. ‘Let her know you’re aware of all the time you’re spending away, and that she’s on your mind.’ Seems simple, but it’s easy to forget when you’re concentrating on spreadsheets instead of bedsheets.

Sexting is an instant way to connect with your lover while you’re chained to your workstation. You can’t afford to get distracted though, so don’t start a long conversation that might also leave her feeling deflated if you’re forced to disappear into a meeting right as things get steamy. Start your SMS with something like, ‘Insanely busy, so I’ll just say this…’

Don’t set either of you up for a disappointing fall by promising an ambitious passion session later if you’ll be groggy. Instead, frame promises of realistic sex in positive terms – tell her you can’t wait to have a filthy quickie, or just to hold her.

Set up a confidential wish list on erotic toy site Lovehoney.co.uk. Send your lady an invite, tell her to add whatever turns her on and say you’ll buy one chosen item as a surprise. She can get excited perusing goodies for as long as suits her, and you’re free to get back to the graft while still being the active instigator of imaginative sex.

Exchanging intimate self-portraits or putting on a private webcam show can be an invaluably intense way to stay intimately in touch while away on business. Tune into next month’s column for a full guide.

Make the most of your time Greet her with a deep, passionate kiss. And keep on kissing. It’s not physically demanding when you’re tired, and it always feels great.

Next I suggest running a bath and hopping in with your partner. When you’re giggling in the warm suds, stress evaporates and you can catch up while getting clean… and wet. Give it a go – it’s therapeutic, energising, and quickly snaps you out of work mode. You could even involve some popping candy – it might sound childish, but it explodes in the water (and your mouth as you kiss), and is so silly that it help dissolve any tension that’s built up during your time apart.

Too pooped for sex at night? Keep mints by the bed to combat icky morning breath, set your alarm early and do it in the morning. Apps that track sleep patterns can rouse you at the best point in your slumber cycle to avoid the wrong king of rude awakening.

Try sharing your morning shower. It will hardly interrupt your schedule and sends you both on your commute with a smile.

Sex expert Midori places emphasis on how erotic the smallest of touches can be. Just want to flop down on the couch when you get in? Spoon her instead and give her a micro-massage, tracing circles on the back of her neck, or stroking her body lightly.

Plan special time together One idea to get you started: Chelsea-based couture lingerie boutique Petits Bisous hires out its boudoir-style lower floor to couples, so you can sip champagne while your lady models designer suspenders for you. It’s pricy, but what have you been working all that overtime for?!

In general, let your partner know having less time doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. Treat them like a princess at all times and they will always be more willing to surprise you with sex when you get in from work or be up for a cheeky morning session.