9 Samuel L Jackson Quotes to Get You Through the Week

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“You shut your face! If we want to hear you talk, I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.” (The Other Guys, 2010)

When to use it When someone in a meeting refuses to pipe down.

“Everybody knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption.” (The Long Kiss Goodnight, 1996)

When to use it Whenever you’re tidying up a situation someone else created.

“Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ plane!” (Snakes On A Plane, 2006)

When to use it Outside of some kind of reptile/aeroplane situation this is actually quite hard to crowbar in. When that situation arises, though, you’re in luck!

“Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass!” (Die Hard With A Vengeance, 1995)

When to use it When a new guy’s starting and you want to make sure he knows who’s boss.

“AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.” (Jackie Brown, 1997)

When to use it When someone’s admiring your pen/printer/ergonomic keyboard/cordless mouse/whatever.

“I recognise that the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.” (The Avengers, 2012)

When to use it It’s a hell of a way to end a meeting.

“Hold on to your butts!” (Jurassic Park, 1993)

When to use it Before delivering epoch-shifting news, like when the vending machine’s out of Toffee Crisps again.

“If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.” (Pulp Fiction, 1994)

When to use it Oh, as frequently as possible – it’s badass as hell. Freaking someone out with a shifted deadline? Rattling them with a realistic guess of a time of completion? They’ll know better than to inquire next time, won’t they?

“You know me. It’s my duty to please that booty!” (Shaft, 2000)

When to use it When you’re being praised for something but really kind of want to destroy all that goodwill in one fell swoop.